LJ Idol Presents:

 I like to think that I "won" the fights that came out of Season 4. That I outlasted and outperformed in every aspect those who were trying to bring Idol, and myself, down. 

But I'm not entirely sure of that.  I can't sleep at 2am thinking about what I wanted to say about something that happened in 2008/2009. I'm sure they are sleeping just fine, having not given me a second thought in well over a decade. That's not the only reason I've been having insomnia, but it certainly doesn't help that when it's running through my head! 

So I'll talk about a few more things from that season, so I can get on to Season 5, and then of course move right to Season 7.  ;) 

The Week 1 prompt is due on Tuesday: therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1224892.html
and Sign-Ups are closing the same day/time:  therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1219874.html
 

                        ***

One of the points I talked about some in Season 11, when kittenboo returned and made it to the Final 2. therealljidol.livejournal.com/1167994.html

I'll admit to being legitimately shocked going back to that entry and realizing that what happened "a season or so ago" was actually in 2020! When I asked her if she would come back for Year 20,  she let me know that... I was going to paraphrase it, but instead I'll quote her "Plus I did everything I wanted to do with idol last time I played. It was always eating at me the way I got cut at final four the first time I played. I finally got to write my final entry, came in second, and feel really good about it. Feel really good about that whole season. Some of it’s the best writing I have ever done." 

I've mentioned how much of Season 4 became a struggle of outside forces. I may have hinted at least of the arrival of "the cool kids", who weren't that much younger than me but seemed so much cooler, and self confident in their writing abilities. (Which is both good, and bad of course depending on what you do with that. If you become convinced that no one else is AS good, or better, then it becomes an issue. We definitely had that issue in a few seasons with "cool kids")  In general though, I liked them every single time, and always wanted them to like me (Which isn't really fair, because I pretty much want everyone to like me! The worst kept Idol secret of them all!) and was always thrilled when they DID end up really embracing Idol.  <3 

Unlike in future seasons though, the Season 4 "cool kids" didn't come in from the same places. They just found each other here. Some liked each other. Some very much did not. Some liked each other for awhile before not liking each other, and the reverse was also true. It was a long season.  :D 

That is the backdrop of where I talk about the worse game design in my Idol history and one thing that leading up to it, and into the finale that has always really bugged me and I don't think I've ever outright said it. (I'm sure I've at least hinted at it though) 

If you recall, one of the complaints about LJ Idol was that it wasn't "about the writing". People just weren't taking writing seriously enough!! This really came into focus when I planned Season 5 and into Season 6, with the structure and the creation of Work Rooms.  (I'm going to fact check before I get there but I think The Killing Floor came first. But didn't really catch on in quite the same way. No idea why people didn't flock to take part in THE KILLING FLOOR! What's wrong with you people!  ;)   ) 

But it also shaped how I was talking about writing in the latter half of the season and marketing the twists. 

The final 4 was always going to be a Hell Week. The biggest ever.  The twist to that came as a result of thinking about March Madness. (This was the first season with byes, a football term, so March Madness was just continuing the sports analogy that was in my head coming into the season. )

There were 16 prompts, The 4 contestants would each write all 16, and then there were brackets of those prompts, facing off against each other. The winning entries from each bracket would then face off with the winners from another bracket. This would keep going until one of the Final 4 was eliminated. 

At the time, I thought this was interesting because there could very well be times when you were facing off against yourself! Your own writing was going head to head in a vote, which was something that had never happened before but I just really loved the concept. 

We never got to see it happen. Because the Final 4 busted their asses getting those 16 entries written and the unthinkable happened, when the votes came in kittenboo had lost every single bracket. I don't think that was a plan going in for anyone - I could very much be wrong about that - but that's not the name I heard people wanting to see eliminated, But I think once she started ending up at the bottom of the early polls that it stopped people from supporting her in later ones. 

Like I said, it was really bad game design on my part. I hadn't planned for that sort of thing to happen, if anything, I thought the multiple polls might make it LESS likely that someone would come in to try to cause issues, because it would just be too much work, but given everything that had been happening all season, I really should have. 

I've had Hell Weeks that have been just as big as that one, but since then I've never tried to incorporate the bracket system. 

   ***

The answer to the obvious question of "If you had heard people wanted to eliminate someone, who was it? And why?"  I should note that it was less of "Want to eliminate" and far more of "We don't want her to win!"  There were also a lot of people who DID want her to win. But, as noted before, I tend to focus on the negative responses.  *shrug* 

That contestant was tulip_in_yellow. She was my friend and one of the greatest regrets of my time in LJ Idol. 

She didn't start out as a friend. She was a complete stranger and one of those "cool kids" I talked about earlier. When things started getting crazy though, she was one of the few who reached out to check on me. (Like I said, my phone number and address were pretty public in those days, I can;'t recall if she emailed first - probably - but it wasn't long before we were talking on the phone.) 

She was never shy with an opinion and definitely ended up rubbing some people the wrong way and was pretty much Target #1 from what I later heard, for the next time there was a contestant only vote. The next time there was a contestant only vote turned out to be at the Top 50. The last time to use your bye was at the Top 50. I'd been telling people for weeks about the idea that if they saved a bye until that point, they were guaranteeing themselves a spot in the Top 50. I wasn't saying "and avoid the contestant only vote" because I was the only one who knew that was coming!  Several people were apparently paying attention and used their bye at that vote. She was among them.  But because she was the person people knew was my friend (it wasn't a secret that we were talking. Again, Season 3 had been my first season where nearly everyone wasn't already my friend!) 

I didn't hear about it for awhile, because she didn't want me to know - and apparently other people felt the same way. (on both sides) but the rumor was (1) that I had told her about the contestant only vote so she would survive it. This later became "was cheating to keep her in"  in other votes and, of course (2) Gary has a crush on her which is why he's doing this. 

Let's deal with these in order:  No. I didn't tell her in advance. As I said, I'd been telling EVERYONE in the Green Rooms and anyone who even vaguely approached me asking about what the rules were for byes is that they expired at the Top 50. The Top 50 was a big number. It's not exactly rocket science to assume that I had something big planned for that time and react accordingly. So anyone who was paying attention to me and what I was saying would have known something big was happening there. That said, she was probably paying closer attention to things that I said than other people, because as friends she seemed to actually care about things I was saying. (in general, not just in Idol) That makes a huge difference. 

The "Gary is cheating" has always confused me. Like fundamentally confused me. Because if someone LEGITIMATELY thought that was happening, why would they stay here?  If the game were rigged, why bother?  If I was putting my thumb oh the scale in favor of someone, WHY would I be bothering to put in all that time and effort I was spending on putting the season together and keeping it going under extremely stressful circumstances?  I wish I could say that it was the groups from the outside saying these things - and maybe they were saying it, but when I started hearing about it, it was from contestants. Which really hurt.  Remember, I had purposefully taken AWAY my direct influence and vote in Season 3. I tried, and have continued to try to make things as fair and even handed as I could. But emotion isn't always logical, and sometimes the "things aren't going my way because it's just not fair!" becomes the easier answer. I could literally make any rule I wanted to, set things up any way I wanted, I wouldn't HAVE to cheat. I could just one day say the rule was "I pick who the winner is" and that would be the rule.  But apparently I was slamming my head against a wall every single week, to somehow get her to the finale... which was also incredibly weird given what a talented writer and storyteller she was. (I assume still is, but I have no idea) So it was insulting to both of us, and really to anyone taking part in Idol at that time. 

It was a few months ago, as I was preparing for this season and talking to a really good friend of mine who ISN'T playing for exactly the reasons why Tulip_in_Yellow got slammed. (She knows the story and doesn't want a repeat) that it did occur to me that there IS a chance that our friendship gave her an edge that had never occurred to me. She knew my schedule. My actual life schedule. Which means she would know where it was more likely to be something that I needed to be more hands on for. It's not a huge advantage, but it is one that I hadn't previously thought about. I knew I hadn't told her or hinted more than I had in the Green Room (the vast majority of our chats had very little to do with Idol actually.) 

Now the more difficult question for me to answer: Did Gary have a crush on her? 

If you asked me then I would have said "Absolutely not".  I understand myself a little better now and know that my crushes tend to be more of the "She's so neat!!!" variety and much less of the "I'm interested in her" kind. Most of the women I know fall under "crush" on some level, because I tend to know a lot of interesting people.  With that in mind, I have to change my answer to "probably".  Considering how many of our conversations had to do with her romantic life and adventures she was going on though, we were extremely incompatible in that way even if either of us was vaguely interested, which I never got the impression that was the case. She was that friend you hear the crazy weekend stories from, the ones you would NEVER do yourself, but man it's pretty exciting to live them vicariously. 

Our friendship ended not long after the season with a bit of an explosion after she lost. I've gone to a couple different places in my head over the years with this one. But the actual conversation that ended things was all the shit she had been through as a result, and that she was looking for her friend to "Yeah, Idol sucks!", which any normal friend would do. But I couldn't, and still can not do. Because the winner is the person who deserved to win. I believed that then. I believe that now. She needed her friend in that moment and I could not turn off BEING LJ Idol, we're attached. It's part of me and I'm part of it. 

There's been a part that wondered maybe, on some level, she really DID think I was protecting her and helping her win. Which was why she was upset when she didn't. I hope that's not true. Or that she was "using me" in hopes I would give her an advantage. But I can't imagine talking to someone THAT much and opening up and sharing that much of your life to someone, just to win an online competition where the only tangible prize was an icon! 

She told me to never contact her again.  I broke that rule twice - sending her an invite to the "final" season and one to this one. Because a lot of time has passed and even if she hates me,  maybe she no longer hates Idol. She has never responded, so maybe she does or at least is "over" it. 
This season actually prompted me to break a couple "don't contact me again" orders. Because people don't have to like me for Idol to like them or for me to be a fan of their work. 


But I really miss my friend - and regretted putting someone in that position where they were open to attack. I'd make more friends over the years. (It would take a couple seasons, but I made them). I always kept them at arms length though, and this is why.  People I legitimately care about actually have it tougher in idol because, in the context of the game, I treat them like the same dirty, smelly hippy as everyone else - but end up with a bigger target for anyone who thinks they have an advantage. (which, in practice means they actually have a huge disadvantage being associated with me!)