Green Room - Week 26 - Day 4

[clauderainsrm.livejournal.com]

In case you missed the ground shaking last night, the results from the final Round Two came in: http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/464364.html True to form, they managed to shake things up.

How much will be shaken up (or perhaps stirred, not enough things are stirred these days. Damn you Bond!) when our Top 17 take the stage? http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/462769.html Only time will tell.

***

I'm running low on time this morning - but I did want to start the ball rolling on some meta:

I "get" low self esteem. I get being humble and thinking you can do a better job. But if you are at this point - you are here for a reason.

People like your work.

When you are eliminated. That doesn't mean people have stopped liking your work either. With the sheer talent pool this season, that means someone got a few more butts in the seats for that particular entry. Which is fine, and it is how it works in the "real world" of publishing as well. Publishing, and pretty much every other aspect of life.

The number one thing is that you need to believe in yourself, and writing *for yourself*. Do you need to keep your audience in mind? Of course. Being able to find a successful fusion of those two concepts can separate someone struggling from someone successful at what they are doing. There are plenty of writers who can string together brilliant pieces and don't manage to find that level of connection that they need to have in order to get noticed, and stay noticed.

Comments

[theafaye.livejournal.com]

Have you been reading my LJ Gary? :oP

Second entry needs to be read by the person it's based on. Hopefully my third will be done this weekend. In the meantime, we're off to explore a castle this afternoon, despite the rain.

[mstrobel.livejournal.com]

The sky was black this morning, but it didn't rain and now the clouds are even clearing... I guess now I know where the rain went off to instead!

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

Yay for being first and beating java_fiend btw ;)

Have fun at the castle!

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I love castles! Which one will you be exploring?

[comedychick.livejournal.com]

All of my entries are public! (In case you missed my comment yesterday, my Grip entry was written, but I was holding off posting until today. You'll see why if you check out the entry. :)) I'm pretty proud of everything I've written this week, so I guess I don't have low self-esteem. I've also started reading entries, too, and lots of good stuff already!

I suppose I could add that I agree with everything you say here, Gary. It's the stuff I try to share with other people about my thinking and how I write when I can see they're not coping as well as I feel like I am on such matters. And, hey, I'm pretty sure I have been the primary target audience of almost everything I've written this season. My friends come next, and I love when they like what I write. Anyone else liking it is just bonus. :D

[mstrobel.livejournal.com]

In case you missed my comment yesterday, my Grip entry was written, but I was holding off posting until today. You'll see why if you check out the entry. :)

Eee! So excited to see what this grand reveal is!

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

I shouldn't read yours until I post. Dang you for teasing me! Now I'm so curious!

I am the reverse...I put too much into wanting others (friends are included here). Honestly, I see it as such. I'm writing for the public. That is my goal. I'm not writing for just myself. I'm writing for the public and if the public doesn't like it, I've failed. I take it all too seriously, sure...but I never do anything half way. I hyperfocus and became hardcore about things I care about. So I do take it hard when people aren't responsive to something I've put so much effort into. But yeah, it's no secret I'm too hard on myself. With the good (my almost bootcamp level of motivation to do well, ambition, and not willing to let myself think I can't do something I put my mind to) comes the bad (the outright abusive language I use on myself to get where I want to be, the harsh criticism's of myself, etc).

[amenquohi.livejournal.com]

I wholeheartedly agree. At this level (and I daresay for several levels before it), no matter who gets eliminated, they're going to be somebody's favorite, and probably somebody's pick to win the whole damn thing.

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

I personally can't believe we are thisclose to the end. Top 17?!? Wow...

thank you

[redvelvetgrrl.livejournal.com]

I agree with what Gary is saying but I want to add something. I do have a belief in myself and my writing, I do think there are certain types of entries I can write well, and I do feel like I know how to tap into my own emotion and convey that. I know it is almost politically incorrect to say that, but just because I think I am good at something does not mean I think I am better than anyone else. It also doesn't mean I think everything I write is good.

There are so many different levels of thinking what you write is good. I mean there were weeks where I thought what I wrote was amazing, but I knew it would only be amazing to me because, for example, no one else knew how hard I struggled to write dialogue.

I think it perfectly acceptable to be happy with something you have written, or to be honest with yourself and see where you could have done better, or where you went astray. To know what your limits are and to actively push those limits to see what else you can do.

And just wanted to throw out a big giant thank you to everyone who read my entries and those who voted for me and even those who didn't. Thank you for giving me sure an amzing experience. Ljidol has pushed me in so many ways and challenged me in so many ways. And thhere were stories in my head just bouncing around wishing there was someone to tell them to. And for me, when I write it takes that story and blows it out into the wrold and I don't have to have it driving me crazy anymore. So thank you for that :)

Re: thank you

[comedychick.livejournal.com]

I really agree with what you're saying here. I was going to quote parts but then I realised I'd just be quoting everything ;)

I know what you mean about feeling like something you've written is amazing in ways other people are less likely to be aware of. I've impressed myself with certain aspects I've focused on working harder to achieve, but they're not always the things people comment on. Interestingly, I think because dialogue is something a lot of people struggle with, that's something a lot of people do tend to comment on with me... but unless I'm writing dialogue set in the 1600s (for example), that's something that I tend not to even give a second thought to! So I find that interesting. It is, of course, a huge compliment when someone mentions being impressed by something I didn't even really have to think about. It proves to me that I have good reason not to focus on improving that, and rather focus on improving other parts of my writing. Or something like that!

Re: thank you

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

I really hope you stick around and come back next season. Making the top 20 is no small feat, especially as a newbie without as much name recognition. I'm thinking you easily could blow people away next season now that they recognize the name and know how far you made it. I think you'll show up on more radars :)

And I see nothing wrong with people saying their good at something. Nothing wrong. I wish I had that confidence in myself. I rely too much on what other people tell me instead of thinking I'm good on my own. No feedback? Then I don't feel good about it. But as long as you're willing to always strive to be better, while knowing you're good...I see nothing wrong with confidence. Too often people make you feel as if you're being cocky if you like something you've done and that's total B.S.

[alephz.livejournal.com]

I've used it once before, but I'll put it up here again:

"In order to be able to make it, you have to put aside the fear of failing and the desire of succeeding. You have to do these things completely and purely without fear, without desire. Because things that we do without lust of result are the purest actions we shall ever take." --Alan Moore

I'm all about being humble for my own part. That's less because I'm nice but because on my own, I'm incapable of looking at anything I've done myself without comparing it to the works of the many giants upon whose shoulders I've stood.

And since I'm not a giant of talent myself just yet, I'll always be found wanting. rattsu often counsels me that I mustn't compare my work, which is the work of an eager amateur in his early stages of creative metamorphosis to the works of professionals after they've left their cocoons behind.

Doing writing for a competition, though, creates a certain tension (as Gary notes) because you are necessarily writing with a desire for a certain result or at least with an undercurrent of wanting to improve something which you admit needs improving so that you can stay in the game. It's hard to improve purely on your own terms because you also have to run a focus group in your head.

Is this topic interesting to anyone but me?
Is this too self-indulgent?
Is this too much like something else I've done?
Have I become a one-trick pony?
Will this offend people?
Will this gross them out?

Truth to tell, I'm almost never happy with my entries when they go up, often taking them apart in my head to examine what elements could be considered cliché and what bits have been used by better writers at other times and constantly scanning them to be sure that they aren't too much like other works that other contestants have put out over the course of the competition 'cause...

Well, who wants to be that guy, right?

Which is a total bummer 'cause it's hard to know if something is good (or at least vote-getty) before the voting goes up and by then, well, it's FAR too late to change the game.

Which often puts me in the position of letting the perfect be the enemy of the good. 'cause I always want to put out something perfect to read, not just for you all, but for myself so I can get better at expressing in a clear manner the intersecting tracks of thought and narrative that are constantly abuzz in my head.

'Cause, I mean, if we thought we were done with our creative growth, we wouldn't need to be here, right?

I think the matter of staying noticed is really the tough part. I don't know exactly how to do it except that I think a body has to do something that is as unique and striking as possible as early as possible. And I'd be lying if i said that GR participation didn't help with that.

According to some, it was during a rather... erm... spirited bit of discussion in the GR that I even popped on peoples' radar. Which is sort of sad for me, 'cause I'd really rather have my work stand for itself, but...

Sad to say, work doesn't always stand on its own, does it? It's always tinged by what you've done before, what you could do later and the context in which it's viewed. I know I've tossed votes toward people I believed in even during their off weeks and am pretty sure that a couple of my weaker works have survived through similar votes of pity.

Of course, at this point in the game, the possibility of that kind of leeway is shrinking and shrinking 'cause I have to compete with some truly phenomenal talents and am unsure how long until I stop keeping pace with them and fall behind.

Hm.

Apparently I also need to work on my GR brevity. But apparently I have a lot to say on issues of process.

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

A lot of what you wrote here certainly applies to me too. I'll be honest, I never would have thought you would have confidence issues. Silly, huh? You're human after all. But I see you as being awesomely talented and even envy that a bit (in the admiration sense, not that "I hate you" sense, so it's a positive thing). It's nice to see that even those that I find to be really great writers can have the same issues as I do. It reminds me that we are all just human here, all with our own issues and struggles.

[comedychick.livejournal.com]

First off, hee, I love that you wrote such an epic comment. And am slightly surprised it fit in one comment XD

You know, I'm trying to work out if those questions there are ones I consider myself. I'm not sure I really actively think about those things, but I wouldn't be surprised if my subconscious does.

I know I focus on trying to be as unique as I can, but that's mostly for my own benefit, because I don't like writing the same stuff over and over again. Okay, it probably has a side benefit of helping me stand out from the crowd. Take this week for example: I wrote three incredibly different types of entries. Part of it was because I thought this was the perfect week to show my "range," but part of it was also to keep things interesting for myself.

I'm all about keeping the process fun for myself so that I don't get that burnt out feeling some people have mentioned to me. And I can honestly say I am not yet feeling burnt out this season. Last season I absolutely did, and that's pretty much what I attribute to my getting voted out when I did. I simply didn't care to keep myself in the competition any more because of that burnt out feeling. I was happy to get voted out then because I didn't want to write any more. This time? Well, right now, I do think I could push myself to the very end and keep myself interested in writing that long, if people keep voting for me. But if they don't keep voting? I'm still incredibly impressed by how far I've made it, especially when I consider the sheer talent in my company.

[mstrobel.livejournal.com]

Some of those questions I have thought about, but I confess that over time I have come to consider them less and less.

Is this topic interesting to anyone but me?
- Possibly not, but it's interesting to me and it's what I want to write.

Is this too much like something else I've done?
- Possibly, but not identical to; I will use past ideas to influence new ones.

Have I become a one-trick pony?
- Probably, but it's a trick I enjoy.

Will this offend people?
- Sometimes, I have wondered this... and then just decided to not care because it's what I want to write.


I simply write what I want to without giving consideration to whether other people are going to like it. Oh, of course I do worry - will people vote for this? - but in the end that's not enough to make me scrap one piece and begin again. I would rather go down with something I am proud of, than try to please other people and fail. And so it is that every week, I am genuinely surprised when people actually seem to like what I have written! Because I never tried to be mainstream, I never tried to cater to more popular tastes. I know I'm probably a bit of a one-trick pony in some respects, but that 'trick' is natural to me.

And above all else, I am in this to have fun; and fun is exploring all the different angles of that trick, rather than attempting to perform a new one that's maybe more 'normal' or universally popular.

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

Gary, have you been reading my mind again? Or talking to java_fiend again?

I'll be back later to play, I should be getting ready for work since I once again slept later than I should. I hope this rapture business isn't too early tomorrow, I'm looking forward to sleeping in a bit. And I got entries to write! Yikes!

[beautyofgrey.livejournal.com]

I think your last paragraph is really key, Gary. I also think that the audience will see when you're really putting your heart into the work and writing for yourself, versus generating a piece that you simply think people will want to read. It was the one thing I tried to focus on last season, particularly towards the end - and I admit that it was actually a bit of a challenge for me, because I'm one of those silly folks who secretly wants everyone to adore and love everything I say. :P I'm aware that not everyone loved or preferred my writing style or even my content at times, but for me, it was about conquering some demons and putting myself out there (and at the end, celebrating how far I'd come). That last week of the competition when you were trying to kill rattsu, talonkarrde88, and I? I managed to let go and have silly, crazy fun, and just put myself out there.

And I will echo that anyone who's made it to this point in the competition should not be bummed when they leave - everybody has to leave and go home eventually - and getting to this point is an amazing feat. Celebrate what wonderful things you have created, and take some pride in that!

[serpentpixie.livejournal.com]

As a writer the best advice I've ever heard is this:

Everybody's terrified: you're not that special. Get on with it.

I don't remember where I heard it, but I won't forget it.

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

Yep. That's so true too. It's especially fitting for this competition :P

[momebie.livejournal.com]

I did a post mortem on my participation this season over at my journal if you're curious (http://momebie.livejournal.com/797207.html). Or you know, if you just want to stop by and say hi. My door is always open.

I'll get back to the discussions this afternoon when I'm not doing actual work! ♥

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

Work? What's that?

Oh yeah...that.

*stares at spreadsheet*

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

Everybody left is a fabulous writer - I've enjoyed almost everything that I've gotten a chance to read over to course of the season. Some pieces here and there didn't maintain my interest due to subject matter or approach, but that's to be expected.

In unrelated news, I had to jump my husband this morning.
Okay fine, I had to jump start his car.
Okay, alright - I brought him the jumper cables - he did all the work while I sat in my car. But it only took me 30 minutes or so to get downtown to his workplace, whereas AAA would have taken 3 hours to get to him, so it was all good.

Back to work...

[joeymichaels.livejournal.com]

The votes one receives or the distance one goes in this contest (or any contest) isn't really a decent gauge of one's ability as a writer.

Indeed, one of the finest writers that I've crossed paths with online is rejeneration and she was eliminated months ago.

I'm at my best when I'm not writing for anybody - not an audience, not myself, just writing. Given the choice, I'll write for myself, but much of the time I feel like I'm just following the story where ever it wants to go.

Furthermore, I have come to the conclusion that I don't have a clue about what people want to read. I've been consistently surprised by which of my pieces get the strongest reactions and which "sure thing" piece get the weakest.

I guess my point is that I *can't* write what other people want deliberately because I have *no idea* what other people want.

Anyhow, one other thing I've discovered is that the weekly grind of LJI is sort of making me hate writing right now. Indeed, it often seems like an especially unpleasant chore. I recognize that this is part of the "marathon not a sprint" aspect, and I'm determined to run the race until I'm out, but once I am out, I'm going to take a long, long break from writing.

Its a new feeling, though, because I've never in my life hated writing. Alas!

[xo-kizzy-xo.livejournal.com]

I guess my point is that I *can't* write what other people want deliberately because I have *no idea* what other people want.

That's really what it boils down to. Which, in turn, makes writing/reading so subjective.

The best piece of advice I ever received was "Write for yourself first". The second? "Write with love. If you care about what you're writing about, it'll show, and people reading it will come to care about it too".

I still yet haven't figured out that strong/weak dichotomy...

[beeker121.livejournal.com]

A quote from the show I'm working on:

Voices say: Nobody cares what you think; You look like an idiot; No matter how hard you try, you'll never be good enough.

"Why is it, if a stranger walked up to me on the subway platform and said these things, I'd think he was a mentally ill asshole, but if the [voice] inside my head says it, it's the voice of reason?"

Think about it.

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

Wow...you've about nailed it right on the head for me. Very good point.

[momebie.livejournal.com]

Like I said to pixie117 up above, I think end results are a careful mixture of writing things you can be passionate about and marketing to the right audience. Like, I wouldn't write a romance novel, because happy endings bore me. And even if I DID write a romance novel, I wouldn't market it strictly to NASCAR fans. Would that net me some sales? Probably, but they wouldn't be the readers I'd been working hard to write for, so I'd be setting myself up for failure. (Oh, but these exist (http://www.eharlequin.com/store.html;jsessionid=2F91FD3C673C4507EB1CB4C6781948E1?cid=600&cmpid=PSSUPSOUT200907260826&kw=nascarromance), so you know.)

Or maybe college just trained me to think in marketing. I do that sometimes.

Bottom line is, if you believe in yourself other people will find it easier to believe in you as well. I'm my own worse critic, but I also know what my strengths are and can play to them, even though I love experimenting. No amount of critical acclaim would make me feel better if I believed myself to be a failure at the start.

[lawchicky.livejournal.com]

I know you're right Gary, but I can't help having the same feeling every time I post my entries like "PLEASE LET THE AUDIENCE LOVE ME!!!!"