Green Room - Week 26 - Day 4

[clauderainsrm.livejournal.com]

In case you missed the ground shaking last night, the results from the final Round Two came in: http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/464364.html True to form, they managed to shake things up.

How much will be shaken up (or perhaps stirred, not enough things are stirred these days. Damn you Bond!) when our Top 17 take the stage? http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/462769.html Only time will tell.

***

I'm running low on time this morning - but I did want to start the ball rolling on some meta:

I "get" low self esteem. I get being humble and thinking you can do a better job. But if you are at this point - you are here for a reason.

People like your work.

When you are eliminated. That doesn't mean people have stopped liking your work either. With the sheer talent pool this season, that means someone got a few more butts in the seats for that particular entry. Which is fine, and it is how it works in the "real world" of publishing as well. Publishing, and pretty much every other aspect of life.

The number one thing is that you need to believe in yourself, and writing *for yourself*. Do you need to keep your audience in mind? Of course. Being able to find a successful fusion of those two concepts can separate someone struggling from someone successful at what they are doing. There are plenty of writers who can string together brilliant pieces and don't manage to find that level of connection that they need to have in order to get noticed, and stay noticed.

Comments

[theafaye.livejournal.com]

Have you been reading my LJ Gary? :oP

Second entry needs to be read by the person it's based on. Hopefully my third will be done this weekend. In the meantime, we're off to explore a castle this afternoon, despite the rain.

[comedychick.livejournal.com]

All of my entries are public! (In case you missed my comment yesterday, my Grip entry was written, but I was holding off posting until today. You'll see why if you check out the entry. :)) I'm pretty proud of everything I've written this week, so I guess I don't have low self-esteem. I've also started reading entries, too, and lots of good stuff already!

I suppose I could add that I agree with everything you say here, Gary. It's the stuff I try to share with other people about my thinking and how I write when I can see they're not coping as well as I feel like I am on such matters. And, hey, I'm pretty sure I have been the primary target audience of almost everything I've written this season. My friends come next, and I love when they like what I write. Anyone else liking it is just bonus. :D

[mstrobel.livejournal.com]

The sky was black this morning, but it didn't rain and now the clouds are even clearing... I guess now I know where the rain went off to instead!

[theafaye.livejournal.com]

Hopefully a bit further east it'll be brighter. The sun is shining now although I don't think it's massively warm. I reckon running around will keep the children's mind off that though!

[amenquohi.livejournal.com]

I wholeheartedly agree. At this level (and I daresay for several levels before it), no matter who gets eliminated, they're going to be somebody's favorite, and probably somebody's pick to win the whole damn thing.

thank you

[redvelvetgrrl.livejournal.com]

I agree with what Gary is saying but I want to add something. I do have a belief in myself and my writing, I do think there are certain types of entries I can write well, and I do feel like I know how to tap into my own emotion and convey that. I know it is almost politically incorrect to say that, but just because I think I am good at something does not mean I think I am better than anyone else. It also doesn't mean I think everything I write is good.

There are so many different levels of thinking what you write is good. I mean there were weeks where I thought what I wrote was amazing, but I knew it would only be amazing to me because, for example, no one else knew how hard I struggled to write dialogue.

I think it perfectly acceptable to be happy with something you have written, or to be honest with yourself and see where you could have done better, or where you went astray. To know what your limits are and to actively push those limits to see what else you can do.

And just wanted to throw out a big giant thank you to everyone who read my entries and those who voted for me and even those who didn't. Thank you for giving me sure an amzing experience. Ljidol has pushed me in so many ways and challenged me in so many ways. And thhere were stories in my head just bouncing around wishing there was someone to tell them to. And for me, when I write it takes that story and blows it out into the wrold and I don't have to have it driving me crazy anymore. So thank you for that :)

[mstrobel.livejournal.com]

In case you missed my comment yesterday, my Grip entry was written, but I was holding off posting until today. You'll see why if you check out the entry. :)

Eee! So excited to see what this grand reveal is!

Re: thank you

[comedychick.livejournal.com]

I really agree with what you're saying here. I was going to quote parts but then I realised I'd just be quoting everything ;)

I know what you mean about feeling like something you've written is amazing in ways other people are less likely to be aware of. I've impressed myself with certain aspects I've focused on working harder to achieve, but they're not always the things people comment on. Interestingly, I think because dialogue is something a lot of people struggle with, that's something a lot of people do tend to comment on with me... but unless I'm writing dialogue set in the 1600s (for example), that's something that I tend not to even give a second thought to! So I find that interesting. It is, of course, a huge compliment when someone mentions being impressed by something I didn't even really have to think about. It proves to me that I have good reason not to focus on improving that, and rather focus on improving other parts of my writing. Or something like that!

[comedychick.livejournal.com]

Ahaha, is this why you just told me you were going to be a dork? I'm excited too! You should definitely check it out ;)

[mstrobel.livejournal.com]

Hahaha it is. I couldn't resist! :P

[alephz.livejournal.com]

I've used it once before, but I'll put it up here again:

"In order to be able to make it, you have to put aside the fear of failing and the desire of succeeding. You have to do these things completely and purely without fear, without desire. Because things that we do without lust of result are the purest actions we shall ever take." --Alan Moore

I'm all about being humble for my own part. That's less because I'm nice but because on my own, I'm incapable of looking at anything I've done myself without comparing it to the works of the many giants upon whose shoulders I've stood.

And since I'm not a giant of talent myself just yet, I'll always be found wanting. rattsu often counsels me that I mustn't compare my work, which is the work of an eager amateur in his early stages of creative metamorphosis to the works of professionals after they've left their cocoons behind.

Doing writing for a competition, though, creates a certain tension (as Gary notes) because you are necessarily writing with a desire for a certain result or at least with an undercurrent of wanting to improve something which you admit needs improving so that you can stay in the game. It's hard to improve purely on your own terms because you also have to run a focus group in your head.

Is this topic interesting to anyone but me?
Is this too self-indulgent?
Is this too much like something else I've done?
Have I become a one-trick pony?
Will this offend people?
Will this gross them out?

Truth to tell, I'm almost never happy with my entries when they go up, often taking them apart in my head to examine what elements could be considered cliché and what bits have been used by better writers at other times and constantly scanning them to be sure that they aren't too much like other works that other contestants have put out over the course of the competition 'cause...

Well, who wants to be that guy, right?

Which is a total bummer 'cause it's hard to know if something is good (or at least vote-getty) before the voting goes up and by then, well, it's FAR too late to change the game.

Which often puts me in the position of letting the perfect be the enemy of the good. 'cause I always want to put out something perfect to read, not just for you all, but for myself so I can get better at expressing in a clear manner the intersecting tracks of thought and narrative that are constantly abuzz in my head.

'Cause, I mean, if we thought we were done with our creative growth, we wouldn't need to be here, right?

I think the matter of staying noticed is really the tough part. I don't know exactly how to do it except that I think a body has to do something that is as unique and striking as possible as early as possible. And I'd be lying if i said that GR participation didn't help with that.

According to some, it was during a rather... erm... spirited bit of discussion in the GR that I even popped on peoples' radar. Which is sort of sad for me, 'cause I'd really rather have my work stand for itself, but...

Sad to say, work doesn't always stand on its own, does it? It's always tinged by what you've done before, what you could do later and the context in which it's viewed. I know I've tossed votes toward people I believed in even during their off weeks and am pretty sure that a couple of my weaker works have survived through similar votes of pity.

Of course, at this point in the game, the possibility of that kind of leeway is shrinking and shrinking 'cause I have to compete with some truly phenomenal talents and am unsure how long until I stop keeping pace with them and fall behind.

Hm.

Apparently I also need to work on my GR brevity. But apparently I have a lot to say on issues of process.

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

Gary, have you been reading my mind again? Or talking to java_fiend again?

I'll be back later to play, I should be getting ready for work since I once again slept later than I should. I hope this rapture business isn't too early tomorrow, I'm looking forward to sleeping in a bit. And I got entries to write! Yikes!

[comedychick.livejournal.com]

You amuse me far too much ♥

[mstrobel.livejournal.com]

*rubs hands in glee* Excellent.

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

A lot of what you wrote here certainly applies to me too. I'll be honest, I never would have thought you would have confidence issues. Silly, huh? You're human after all. But I see you as being awesomely talented and even envy that a bit (in the admiration sense, not that "I hate you" sense, so it's a positive thing). It's nice to see that even those that I find to be really great writers can have the same issues as I do. It reminds me that we are all just human here, all with our own issues and struggles.

Re: thank you

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

I really hope you stick around and come back next season. Making the top 20 is no small feat, especially as a newbie without as much name recognition. I'm thinking you easily could blow people away next season now that they recognize the name and know how far you made it. I think you'll show up on more radars :)

And I see nothing wrong with people saying their good at something. Nothing wrong. I wish I had that confidence in myself. I rely too much on what other people tell me instead of thinking I'm good on my own. No feedback? Then I don't feel good about it. But as long as you're willing to always strive to be better, while knowing you're good...I see nothing wrong with confidence. Too often people make you feel as if you're being cocky if you like something you've done and that's total B.S.

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

Yay for being first and beating java_fiend btw ;)

Have fun at the castle!

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

I personally can't believe we are thisclose to the end. Top 17?!? Wow...

[comedychick.livejournal.com]

First off, hee, I love that you wrote such an epic comment. And am slightly surprised it fit in one comment XD

You know, I'm trying to work out if those questions there are ones I consider myself. I'm not sure I really actively think about those things, but I wouldn't be surprised if my subconscious does.

I know I focus on trying to be as unique as I can, but that's mostly for my own benefit, because I don't like writing the same stuff over and over again. Okay, it probably has a side benefit of helping me stand out from the crowd. Take this week for example: I wrote three incredibly different types of entries. Part of it was because I thought this was the perfect week to show my "range," but part of it was also to keep things interesting for myself.

I'm all about keeping the process fun for myself so that I don't get that burnt out feeling some people have mentioned to me. And I can honestly say I am not yet feeling burnt out this season. Last season I absolutely did, and that's pretty much what I attribute to my getting voted out when I did. I simply didn't care to keep myself in the competition any more because of that burnt out feeling. I was happy to get voted out then because I didn't want to write any more. This time? Well, right now, I do think I could push myself to the very end and keep myself interested in writing that long, if people keep voting for me. But if they don't keep voting? I'm still incredibly impressed by how far I've made it, especially when I consider the sheer talent in my company.

Re: thank you

[comedychick.livejournal.com]

LOL, I make myself feel cocky more than other people when I write about things I'm confident about XD

[comedychick.livejournal.com]

I think it's hard to tell if anyone has confidence issues if they're not writing them out in public. I mean, you know I have them sometimes myself... the difference is I try to focus on other things when I start thinking those negative thoughts because I know what a downward spiral it can become.

I guess I say this because I know a lot of people tell me I come across as a really confident person, but deep down I don't always feel as confident as I come across. Sometimes you just have to fake it until you believe it. Or until other people believe it, if that helps you more.

[mstrobel.livejournal.com]

Some of those questions I have thought about, but I confess that over time I have come to consider them less and less.

Is this topic interesting to anyone but me?
- Possibly not, but it's interesting to me and it's what I want to write.

Is this too much like something else I've done?
- Possibly, but not identical to; I will use past ideas to influence new ones.

Have I become a one-trick pony?
- Probably, but it's a trick I enjoy.

Will this offend people?
- Sometimes, I have wondered this... and then just decided to not care because it's what I want to write.


I simply write what I want to without giving consideration to whether other people are going to like it. Oh, of course I do worry - will people vote for this? - but in the end that's not enough to make me scrap one piece and begin again. I would rather go down with something I am proud of, than try to please other people and fail. And so it is that every week, I am genuinely surprised when people actually seem to like what I have written! Because I never tried to be mainstream, I never tried to cater to more popular tastes. I know I'm probably a bit of a one-trick pony in some respects, but that 'trick' is natural to me.

And above all else, I am in this to have fun; and fun is exploring all the different angles of that trick, rather than attempting to perform a new one that's maybe more 'normal' or universally popular.

[comedychick.livejournal.com]

Apart from the "one-trick" stuff (seeing as I write so much different stuff), this comment probably could've been written by me ;) OMG YOU'RE MAINSTREAM BECAUSE WE THINK ALIKE! Or not. LOL. But yeah, I don't scrap things on the basis of me thinking I'll not get the votes to survive. I much prefer to write something I'm personally happy with and not surviving than writing something that tries to cater to more... and not surviving.

[mstrobel.livejournal.com]

I can look at stuff I wrote five, six years ago and still know which I wrote for me, and which I wrote to please other people... and the latter stuff is just never as good. I can tell where I'm trying too hard!

I must have written at least five or six "suicide" pieces last season that I was convinced no one would like as well. I can still remember the exact week when I decided to just stop worrying and go for it.

[beautyofgrey.livejournal.com]

I think your last paragraph is really key, Gary. I also think that the audience will see when you're really putting your heart into the work and writing for yourself, versus generating a piece that you simply think people will want to read. It was the one thing I tried to focus on last season, particularly towards the end - and I admit that it was actually a bit of a challenge for me, because I'm one of those silly folks who secretly wants everyone to adore and love everything I say. :P I'm aware that not everyone loved or preferred my writing style or even my content at times, but for me, it was about conquering some demons and putting myself out there (and at the end, celebrating how far I'd come). That last week of the competition when you were trying to kill rattsu, talonkarrde88, and I? I managed to let go and have silly, crazy fun, and just put myself out there.

And I will echo that anyone who's made it to this point in the competition should not be bummed when they leave - everybody has to leave and go home eventually - and getting to this point is an amazing feat. Celebrate what wonderful things you have created, and take some pride in that!