Tribal Council - Merge Tribe 2

[clauderainsrm]

Welcome back to Tribal Council. Line up your torches in the back and take a seat.




I'll bring in the members of the Jury.

jenwithapen, bittyjane, megatronix, impoetry, n3m3sis43, minikin25 and wolfden, voted out at the last tribal council.

They are here to gather information only. They will have a big decision to make at the end of the game, and what you saw and do here will play into that.

Let's get started.

bsgsix - Congratulations on your second immunity win. There was a lot of talk at the last tribal council about how you could end up running the table with immunity wins and get to the end. Which, is possible. But what I didn't see mentioned is that it doesn't guarantee victory. You could get the voters on your entries but not win over the support of your fellow contestants. Someone else could easily say "I never had immunity. I had to work harder to get here." How do you navigate that aspect? Winning challenges without risking alienating the people who will ultimately be making the decision on who wins this game?

lawchicky819  - You were on the hot seat last time, and if the talk can be believed about how people are making their decisions, you are on the hot seat once again this time around.  Is there anything you can say at this point to sway the undecided to keep you around?  What are the advantages that might not be immediately on someone's mind? 

murielle - You've said several times that you don't want to "pick off the weak".  The original Asaga tribe has gone from being dominant to now being down in numbers.  Does that mean you aren't going to be sending one of them home this week?  Can an original Luzon be expecting to see their name on your parchment?  Or is that decision going to be based on week to week, regardless of other bonds in the game? 

adoptedwriter - There was talk last week about "wanting to keep the entertaining people around" to keep things interesting as the game progresses.  Is that something you think about when you are responding to these questions?  

bleodswean - In a regular season of Idol, and even during the mini seasons over here at DW, vote totals have been a lot higher for most people. Do you think that since no one is eliminated directly due to votes that it impacts the "get out the vote" aspect?  Only the person with the most votes benefits with immunity, so anyone else who might otherwise be fighting for every vote doesn't bother?   Do you think that will change the closer we get to the end, when people feel less "safe"? 

eeyore_grrl  -   Last week the vote ended up being split between the two people with the fewest number of votes, with some scattered among random members of the tribe.   If that ends up happening again - that means you are a target.  How do you shift the target off yourself, knowing that you are also in their sights? 

gunwithoutmusic -  Back in Borneo, Dr Sean had his "alphabetic strategy" where he would vote for people in alphabetical order. Part of that is that he wanted to be seen as "a good guy" and it kept him from alienating anyone.  But "coincidentally" everyone from the original Pagong tribe had names in at the front of the alphabet.  Do you think the "vote for the lowest" might change once the person with the lowest number of votes is a member of the original Luzon tribe? 

swirlsofpurple - How much of the decision on who to vote for is already made before you come here, and how much of a factor are the answers you are hearing?  How important is it to "read the room" in trying to make sure you are on the right side of the numbers? 

halfshellvenus - Your name showed up on a ballot last week. How does it feel to see that, especially when it's the first vote? Would it be better to be voted out and see it coming, or for it to be a blindside? 

alycewilson  - In the conversation of  "fairness" vs "threat" -  if you end up going home would you rather it be because people thought it was "fair" to vote you out, or would you rather them get rid of you because they saw you as a threat to their plans to win to the game? 

flipflop_diva - What were your biggest takeaways from the last tribal council?

 
Round Two 


alycewilson -  I'm so glad to see you writing poetry again.  It feels like there is an entire "class" of Idol participants who don't know this side of you.  I was wondering who would go with this take for the prompt, and in retrospect, I probably should have put money on it being you.   Other people have mentioned other lines, so I'll skip those and go right for " as steadfast as her love for us, born in that splashy decade", there's so much captured here of a time remembered, and lost.   A memory you can enter whenever you want, but where your current self does not belong.  The connections are obvious, as is why you went with this particular image. So instead I'll ask you why you decided to go with poetry?  What was it to said this should be told in that format, rather than prose?

swirlsofpurple - The idea of a funeral set in the future was as interesting in itself as the character studies were. It's a simple idea, but I can't recall having read, or even thought too much about it before. I kept going back and forth on it as I read.  But then that ending hit. My jaw literally dropped and Cynthia had to ask what was going on because I just started chuckling.  Setting it in the future was one of those things that could have caused more problems than it solved, by having to explain too much and distract for the narrative - I think you managed to strike a decent balance, but why was that important to you? 

gunwithoutmusic - I'm really glad to have seen the update in the comments. I hope that things continue to head in a good direction.  It was a gut punch to read, and I'm sure even more of one to actually live.  The emotional strain on mental states, and relationships, during the pandemic is something I'm sure is going to be studied for years to come.  Which doesn't make it any better to know that other people are also going through it, but I hope it makes you feel a *little* less alone.  Last week you said you were taking a break from your "walk in the woods" stories, but even though you never left your house, this was very much in the same spirit of introspection.  What was it like to find the narrative beats - not in an old memory, which a lot of people do - but in something you are experiencing in real time? 

lawchicky819 -   That story.  Wow.  That story.  :D    I'm always interested in seeing the thought process to why someone picked a particular tale to tell.  Was this the first thing you want about when you saw the prompt or did you have to narrow down your choices?   Given your answer to the last question asked though, and this entry,  how does "I'm done enabling people who don't want to be helped in a real way."  come into play?  


flipflop_diva - So you're saying that I've wasted the last couple of decades?  What are I am supposed to do now with this giant hole in my backyard?  The mole men I've befriended are going to be very disappointed to learn that we can't get to China...  This was a charming look into that moment in time when everything was possible. Unless adults distracted you with candy to sabotage your dreams!   I've noticed that when people post non-fiction, they always include pictures.  What do you think works better - including them at the end or interspersed throughout the story? 

murielle - I started reading this and went "Wait.. it's going there????" before realizing that it was a nightmare.  The heart of this seems to be the moments in between actually digging into what her Aunt Bev left behind, the every day human interactions as she prepares to dig into the past.  They are framed between the fear of what can be and the promise of what it is come.  What is it about those moments, those chatting with people, and taking the time out to eat McDonalds, that speak to you?  Why are they important to include between the digging scenes? 


bleodswean - Sometimes I worry about you. ;)   Your dark imagery continues to delight: "Those you buried beneath the rotting oak leaves... wrap yourself around their empty bones", but maybe that says more about your readers than it does you.  ;)    The scream of an old life ending, to wrapping yourself around death, it's quite the cycle.  You stated the this started as something else, but morphed into something else, like someone transforming into a dark creature.  I'm curious where that starting point was and when you started to realize that the idea was changing shape.  

adoptedwriter  -  I loved the rhythm of this, how the structure was broken up into different repeating beats.  Just glancing at it before the first read I thought it was going to be poetry, but quickly realized my mistake.  I like how you played with it.  There's some really good moments in this.  I liked that the main "dig" (her digging in) was something that I missed the first read through.  Which sounds like a weird compliment, but I like that I missed that you had used the word, but knew that was where the prompt had come in.  It was only when I reread that I noticed you had put the word in there... the last sentence's use on the other hand was a little too "on the nose" for me with the usage.   The first two lines though really nail where you are going with this though and it carries through the piece really well.   I'm curious, did you think of the incident first as "digging in" or were you thinking of the "groovy buttons" book and worked your way back from there? 

eeyore_grrl  - Other people have already mentioned both of the lines that I was originally going to mention. So I'll go with something different and mention the impact of "and gifted it to me with her own self."  It was found, worked, loved and made into something much greater than just glass.  It became part of the protections from her, keeping those spirits at bay.  Your work is always great, and listening to it just makes it better.    Your Mother liked it - which, of course she did, it was great.  But since this is question time - what would you have done if she hadn't?  Or, if her reaction had been more "It's OK" 



NOTE - I'm getting an error message when I try to add more questions here.  So I added the last two from the second round in the comments)


Third round - I'm just going to throw a question out there and whoever wants to answer them can do so: 

You've seen lawchicky's pitch for why she should stay.   Does seeing someone clearly want to stay in the game have any impact on you at all?  As opposed to seeing people say "I'm over this format" or "this is a strain on me"... this is someone who wants to keep going.   Does that make you go "We need to keep her?" OR "Anyone who wants to play this game needs to go?" 

Does anyone else want to make a pitch about why THEY should stay? 

***

"bsgsix  - Do you want to give your immunity to someone else, or are you keeping it? "
"No, I’m going to hold onto my immunity again. It’s a safe move at the moment. If it’s time to vote - I’m ready!"

***

Alright then.   Unless anyone has anything else.  *looks around, no one says anything* 

Ok.  It's time to vote.  Head on up to the voting urn and write down the name of the person you would like to eliminate from this game (and then send that to me at clauderainsrm@gmail.com by Tuesday, Jan 12th at 5pm ET) 
If you have a hidden immunity idol, or any other special power, and would like to play it, tell me that in your email. 

Comments

[bsgsix]

Answering my second question that Gary posted in this thread (since DW is acting up):

bsgsix - I'll admit it, when I started reading your entry and saw the word "portals" there was a brief moment when I thought "Oh, she's doing fiction!" and then I saw familiar names and went, "real life mixed with fiction?" before realizing what was actually going on. I wish, for your sake, that it HAD been fiction where you just used your own name!

I think that, for people who don't know me, it probably did read a LOT like fiction until the first section break. After all, how many people claw at the floor, looking to find dead relatives? But that was the reason I had to write what I did (well, one reason; the other was that I was scared I wouldn't make it through that coma state this time and I wanted to leave something written for the game) - that truth is stranger than fiction, and while I wish it HAD been fictional, no part of it was.

I was recently reminded of an old Idol conversation, way back in Season 2. Most people know the old "fiction vs non-fiction" debate, but unless you were one of the people who was around back then, you don't know this part of the history. Bear with me, I'm getting to a question. :)

Nah, you're stringing me along, but it's cool, because I like you, G. ;)

(Haha, I'm kidding. But no, I wasn't around until Season 6, in 2009. That was a VERY popular season - 250+ writers, some drama, but best of all, when I met most of these amazing people I'm currently writing with! I think I made it to the top 20 when I had to drop due to a major surgery.)

Back then it was almost ALL non-fiction, people talking about their lives. But, because of that, there were a lot of people talking about really bad things that had happened/were happening to them. The backlash to that (and the reason you started seeing fiction start to appear) was that there were people who didn't understand why someone would put something *that* personal out there, in public. (Even as "public" as LJ was back in the day.)

I think that this is going to sound harsh, but I don't really care if people wonder why I talk about the things I do talk about. Yes, I know there was backlash back in the day - I've heard about it - regarding writers telling "life stories" or "personal stories." More fiction cropped up as the result. And I love fiction. I love poetry. I love creative non-fiction. But for myself? I tell my best stories and write my best work in a non-fiction format. I'm not going to change that even if people think it feels too "personal" - I've had a weird life, and documenting it helps not only me, but also others who have potentially been through similar things/faced similar demons. So I'm speaking out. I have literally nothing to hide at this point, and the court of public opinion can judge me how they'd like.

It occurred to me that I have you here - writing what you write, sharing what you share. What is it about sharing your story, and your struggle, that is so important to you?

Again, it's important to me because someone has to tell my story. This is my legacy, and who is going to tell it more accurately than I can? I may die tomorrow - sure, that sounds dramatic as hell, but it's been true since August 2014. I have incurable cancer. I am going to die. And so, I'm going to share everything - from the deep and dramatic (which the prompts have worked for these past weeks) to the fun and lighthearted (if a prompt lends itself to something that can veer in that direction). It's all personal, based on the very definition of the word. But my goal is to be honest; part of that is sharing myself here. And overall? I KNOW people can relate. I've received DMs from people who have mentioned being in similar situations (different circumstances, but things I've said have really hit home). Knowing that other people are reaching out and coming to terms with their own pasts? That's awesome. I LIKE knowing that my darkness can bring about light. It not only shows the survivor in ME, but the survivor in others. How awesome is that - and where else can I do that, and do that so openly, than here?

So I'm going to stick to what works best: honest, hard-hitting nonfic pieces that get to the heart of who we are, who we become, and where we are going in this one, short life. I'm the one who gets to tell my story; I'm the one who writes the narrative. My life may be a twisted, dramatic, stranger-than-fiction opera sometimes, but I'll be here to sing every last note of it until I gasp for breath and can no longer sing again.

[alycewilson]

Do you actually sleep or do you keep hours like mine? (I go to bed between 9 and 10 p.m. when KFP does, and I wake up about 2 or 3 a.m. to do my transcription work. And yes, I do try to schedule an afternoon nap, too.)

Also, it's hard to remember to call you Lex, but I'll try. :)

[bsgsix]

It really depends, to be honest - I'm awake most of the time right now due to my chronic insomnia, but when I'm sick, I sleep constantly. There's nothing consistent about my schedule, and while I'd love to sleep from, say, 3 am to 10 am, my body isn't keen about that.

James goes to bed at 9:45-10 pm, so I spend 2-3 hours with Toby after that, and then, he goes to bed. I'm up to write, make lesson plans for James, work on vocal training, continue planning for my business - whatever I need to do. I like the quiet downtime. But then I don't go to bed until 6 am and I need to be up by noon for James so we can do school after lunch, and yeah - tl;dr, it's a mess.

I kind of like your plan, though - sleeping from 10-3 and then taking an afternoon nap. I've heard that polyphasic sleeping is great for some people. I'm just wondering if it would be good for me with how sick I get/how often I am stuck on the couch, anyhow! But I like the way it works for you.

And I know it will take time - thanks. :) Everyone knew me as Mandi - hell, *I* knew me as Mandi - until April 2020. So I don't expect everyone to get it right 100% of the time. But who I am has changed. So Alexa or Lex both work, though most people go with Lex and I've grown fond of it. I'll be using that name for my business, too, so it all works out. Now, to talk about this subject with my family. It's a name change and nothing more/dramatic/bad, but... you know. Family.

[alycewilson]

Oh, yes, understood! It was enough of an adjustment when I started asking people to spell my name Alyce instead of Alice, and the sound of the name didn't change. My sister went through a bumpier road when she changed her nickname from the one we used when she was a child to another derivation of her name. But my family were really supportive about trying to honor the change. I'm sure yours will be, too. They seem supportive of you in other ways.

Taking a nap is more or less a necessity for me. After being away for more than 12 hours, I get to the point where I'm headachy and foggy. Fortunately, only a 20-minute nap can help.

Sounds like your schedule allows you to get a lot done while it's quiet, which is one reason I actually like being awake this early!

[bsgsix]

I'm glad you understand, though yes, it definitely takes a while for people to catch on! I tried to keep some consistency (Amanda to Alexa - both begin and end with an A, both have three syllables, etc.) - but with my nickname, there isn't much consistency. I'm glad your family was supportive with you and your sister. I'm - not sure how to approach the topic with my family, but they know my makeup business is called Lux by Lex, and I hope they'd understand that, in a new town, away from stalkers and a very odd past, a clean slate - name included - is helpful and harms no one!

I would think a nap would be necessary if you only sleep from 10 to 2-3! That headache/fog feeling is the worst when you're that exhausted. And a 20-minute nap is enough to get you through? I'm impressed - I'd probably need 2-3 hours, or a "mini-sleep," I suppose.

It's obvious that no one is a fan of the pandemic, but the ONE good thing that's come from it is that my schedule is very fluid. I'm home schooling James, and he's very independent with his learning, so we work from 1 pm to 3-4 pm together (give or take). That means I can sleep from 6 am to noon-1 pm, nap in the late afternoon if needed, and have the night for family dinner, reading with James, time with Toby, and getting my own things accomplished. I'm still exhausted, but - it's okay. Maybe one day, the 3-10 am thing will work for me! (Though in the new house, I LOVE the new master bath shower, so I'm often in there from 2-3 am, singing opera, staying warm, and loving life - I wouldn't be ready for bed at 3 am after that!) :)

[alycewilson]

Hey, whatever works for you.

Speaking of the singing. I don't remember ever seeing video of you performing. That would be awesome if you ever found a way to include it.

[bsgsix]

Very true! I'd just like SOMETHING consistent, but - maybe next year? NOTHING feels consistent right now!

Oh! I should add a video or sound clip of something; that's a good idea. If I do end up going through with an opportunity I've been offered in late 2021 (I wrote about that in my personal journal here), then I'll have SEVERAL very new clips up. Most of my stuff right now is audio only. I have a SoundCloud, but I'm not really adding vocal files because I'm worried about copyright stuff, so I will figure it out. I'm an opera singer - I should probably share that! :)

(My videos from when I performed all the time - 1998 to 2002, approximately - are still on VHS. LOL. I really need to get someone to convert them for me! I want to look back on them fondly, or cringe if need be, ha.)

[alycewilson]

I can identify with that VHS dilemma. I have the same one with my video projects from college, as well as some personal videos I grabbed from my mom's house before we sold the house.

For Christmas, my husband got me a program I can use to convert them from VHS to digital. So I just got myself a refurbished VCR from ForTheLow.net. It just arrived and looks fantastic, so I'm hoping to get working on that soon!

[bsgsix]

YES! The VHS problem is real. Everything I did between the ages of 16-21 (roughly) is on VHS - from operas to home videos with my brother. I'd love to see them again. But if there are programs out there to make conversion easier, I need to look into them! :)

[alycewilson]

Once I try this out (which at earliest will probably be next weekend), I'll try to remember to post my experiences with it, along with details of the program. The hardest part these days is finding a working VCR!

[bsgsix]

I'd love to hear how it worked out - I appreciate that!

And I agree - where does one find a working VCR??

(Sorry for the delay. James' gecko ended up dying, as we had feared would happen, so this entire day was a mess. I'm just now eating dinner.) <3

[murielle]

I'm so sorry James' gecko died.

Um, I have a working VCR. And a lot of tapes to watch on it. ;-)

[bsgsix]

Thanks. He's still having a rough time with it. :/

And you do? I'm honestly amazed in a GOOD way. I wish I still had a working one, because I'd love to see old video tapes of my opera competitions, or high school choir recitals, or even things like softball games, going to prom - anything. My past is such a mystery in some cases! I'm going to have to buy a VCR somehow and convert my files to an external hard drive. I cannot afford to lose any more of my past! <3 *hugs*

[murielle]

Aww. Poor James. Losing a beloved critter at any age is hard, so much harder for the young.

I would try thrift stores and second-hand stores. Many people get rid of perfectly good technical and electronics because they want to upgrade. Had a friend who made a business out of buying that kind of stuff for a few dollars at the thrift stores, clean them up, sometimes replaced a few parts, and sold them at a percentage of "new." I didn't agree with his selling prices, but he made good money, and I suppose it's no different than buying something at a liquidation place marked "refurbished."

I hope you find one, I'd love for you to be able to revisit your past via videos.

*Hugs*

[bsgsix]

It really is. It was hard on me, and I have experience with death (of all kinds). It's just so, so hard on kids - and he'd only had Charmander for 6 months, so he thinks he did something wrong. He didn't. Poor thing choked after having been sick. :(

A thrift store is a good idea! Though going out right now may not be - so maybe online, like eBay? No guarantee it would work, but for maybe $20, I could risk it. It's worth a try, and yes, I'd love to revisit those good parts of my past via video! *hugs*

[halfshellvenus]

honest, hard-hitting nonfic pieces that get to the heart of who we are, who we become, and where we are going in this one, short life.
And I think it's this particular goal that makes your stories so compelling. They're very personal, but there's a sense of the larger truth of how that might or would be for many of us as human beings, and it carries us deep into your stories and discoveries as if they are happening to us.

There's also the beautiful construction of your stories, always more than the Point A to Point B of most non-fiction (including my own, when I write it).

[bsgsix]

Love, thank you! I'm glad you feel and see that. I always want to speak to a larger audience - people who might need to know they are not alone - and want to speak to the fact that personal = universal to some sense. ALL humans go through trauma. Sure, not everyone here knows what it's like to be a 4-year-old drug dealer with a rapist birth father, but there's a universality to feeling betrayed by people you trust, or wanting to protect your OWN child from others... that kind of thing. So most of what I write may be dark, but if it helps others, and others can relate? I'll never doubt that I'm doing the right thing. <3

And I really appreciate the comment about the construction of my stories as well - thank you so very much! *hugs*