therealljidol | Green Room - Week 22

We've made it to the finale without anything fraying, until a little bit last night! But that's still really good!
https://therealljidol.dreamwidth.org/1064830.html

Or bad, maybe the people WANT drama - there were more comments yesterday than almost anything else this season. :)

One of the things brought up though got me thinking - what degree of privacy do you expect from the internet?

Most folks have different filters set up via different sites. But sometimes though filters fail.

When they do - is it the fault of the server provider for changing something or the fault of the person putting it out there knowing the risk?

Is the latter just victim blaming? It got me curious because every time I think I know "the rules" of internet privacy, it turns out that something has shifted in internet culture.

I know that *I personally* expect that my settings with stay in place as the default. I've always seen it as part of the social contract between myself and the provider. But in researching, I ran across others who thought my position was naïve and overly trusting - and that if I didn't want the information out there, I should never put it out there, even behind a filter.

Thoughts?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

murielle

Transparency is a wonderful thing. Remember x-ray glasses? I know you do. ;-)

From:

clauderainsrm

Is that why everyone loves Inside Out Boy? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJjJq2ECzgE

From:

murielle

LOL! I have never seen that before! I think I may be living on a different planet from the rest of the world. ;-)

From:

bleodswean

I do struggle with the realization/admission that PRIVATE isn't private online. It just isn't. Coding glitches, purposeful revelations (we see you FB), copy/paste, etc. It's something that we have to accept and for the most part, I do. I don't share a lot of personal info online. I don't FaceBook.

I don't mind a public journal but after I found out my livejournal was being devoured by a monstress, I locked it up. So I was surprised to discover that my filters didn't filter over here to DW. That's on me, though. I should have made sure.

The main thing, for me, is not having my original work out there publically unless I want it to be! For that reason, and that reason alone, I'm going to revamp my online presence. Which has truthfully been a long time coming. We get sloppy, don't we?

From:

clauderainsrm

It's always difficult trying to find that comfortable balance. For the most part, I'm pretty transparent on who/where/and as much as the why I am as I can be across platforms. But then again - older white guy. I have some advantages there that makes me OK with doing it that other people don't enjoy.

From:

bleodswean

Well...transparency. And platforms. That sounds like FaceBook speek to me. Before FB we didn't discuss "platforms." We just hung out in our virtual bars. FB, of course, wanted those virtual bars to become high school reunions and many many folks embraced that. Most of those many folks weren't already in online bars so FB became de rigueur. And posting all their personal information. I don't want to take anything away from anyone who is having the time of their life poring over their neighbor's photos of their grandchildren or following likes on their ex's wedding pictures or fuming over the koffee klatch they weren't invited to. But that's not for me. And not because I have dark secrets to hide, but because I don't live my life like that out here and I'm not interested.

I am a private person. There are people in the world I don't care to reconnect with. And the way I live my life and the work I do would make that sort of online presence more work than it's worth. So, for the most part I don't really give a hoot about who is who. But I do want to have some control over this "journal" and that requires a "handle" and "filters."

From:

clauderainsrm

It's funny how, relatively, quickly the language changed and that became the norm.

When Idol started, Facebook was just for college students. So it makes sense that they all wanted to get in touch with their old friends from high school!

Now the young people are all gone (or at least the next generation of young people want nothing to do with it) and it's those photos and grandchildren and funny cat pictures!

From:

bleodswean

I agree!!! And when I try to remind folks of this, they think I'm nuts. But yes, FB was like a slicker MySpace!

From:

murielle

I have been very sloppy. I know it. Putting "smarten up" on my to-do list.

From:

clauderainsrm

I have the next season promo graphic. I'm so excited to be sharing it in a couple of days!!!

From:

bleodswean

Do you have a drop date yet???? For the season itself??

From:

clauderainsrm

Yeah. I actually set a date for the season. Which is something I've never done before.

Maybe that will help with recruitment.

From:

murielle

Don't be a tease. Tell me more. Pleeeeeze!

From:

clauderainsrm

I just noticed that the poll is now tied at 6.

Yes. 6-6-6.

IT'S THE POLL OF THE DEVIL!!!

From:

sonreir

We're at 7-6-6 now! So much for the poll of the devil, eh? :)

From:

megatronix

Lol!! I wish I’d seen it at that stage!

From:

sonreir

Oof. I've gotten a lot of flack for choosing to stay "anonymous", so this feels a little, well...

I've been doxxed in the past. If you don't know what doxxing is, I envy you. Imagine someone digging through everything you have ever put online, connecting the dots to figure out your real identity, and putting that information online, including your real name, address, and phone number, as well as where you work.

It happened to me. I'm sensitive about privacy as a result of it. I don't state where I live publicly or discuss where I work. I don't disclose my first name publicly online.

I realize that it's probably come off as standoffish or as though I have something to hide, when I dodge basic questions like, "so where are you from, because you mention familiarity with certain places", but I work in a public facing field, I'm looking for a new job now, and I just...don't care to take any chances.

To answer your question, Gary, I feel it's the fault of the service provider for not making the privacy settings clearer, but I don't trust them or put anything identifying online now.

In case it wasn't clear, either: you can comb through Season 8 and try to connect the dots to figure out who I played as, but please don't tell me about it. It makes me deeply uncomfortable, because I used to be a lot more open with where I worked and who I was, and I know that you can easily find my full name and place of work from it, if you try. :(

Edited Date: 2019-04-30 04:58 pm (UTC)

From:

clauderainsrm

I've been doxxed, complete with death threats! But I guess the "good thing" is that it was so long ago at this point that the people it was distributed to wasn't as big as it is now.

I definitely wouldn't wish on that on anyone. Not even people I hate. I'd wish other things on them. :D

From:

sonreir

Oh yeah, the death threats were sort of "meh, whatever, I highly doubt you're going to do what you say."

But they posted my address, where I worked, where my parents lived...

It was terrifying. I've been stalked in the past, too, and it doesn't come to quite the same level.

When I got doxxed, they managed to get photos that I would really rather did not exist on the internet, posted them, and said they were going to send them to my boss. I'm pretty lucky inasmuch as my boss at that point was technologically illiterate and didn't "believe" in emails with attachments (she said they were "all viruses" and deleted them without reading, which made our parent company extremely unhappy, but saved MY ass), but...good gravy.

I'm really, truly grateful that Google Reviews weren't really a "thing" at that point. They tried to bomb Yelp, but Yelp hadn't taken off in our city yet, and what I did wasn't customer-facing, so that helped, too...

It fundamentally changed how I think about the Internet and what I put out there. I stopped using that website and completely divorced myself from that identity. I managed to file DMCA takedowns for the photos. I don't really share photos of myself online anymore, even on 'safe' or 'locked' places like Facebook and Instagram.

I don't give out my real name online. I go by a nickname just about everywhere. I have separate email accounts for everything that I do. I have 2FA turned on that's not tied to my phone number. I'm paranoid. I probably don't have to be, because I don't think I've done anything quite as public as what you do, Gary, and no one is going to get pissed at me and post where I work again, let alone try to send photos from when I was 20 and stupid to my boss, but I'm still paranoid.

All it takes is once, and you never want to have to deal with it again.

From:

halfshellvenus

Oh gosh, that's jut awful!

I try to keep my actual identity pretty private, and that's mainly because I've written so much fanfic.

You've been through the kind of hell that we're all paranoid about, so I can really understand why you would want to stay RL anonymous.

From:

sonreir

I've more or less given up on having any sort of online identity that uses my real name or identifying information. I've stopped using Facebook and whatnot too. I work in a very public industry and it's way too easy to find me if you search my name, so I guess I've got to be paranoid? It's no fun, certainly, but at least it only took happening once to learn that lesson... :/

From:

clauderainsrm

I'm going to have assignments soon for anyone interested in helping Idol out over the break!

If you like compiling lists and maybe sending out some emails - you're in luck! ;)

From:

jake67jake

Hit me up on the assignments, I like quiet tedious work to offset my crazy boss.

From:

bsgsix

I've been stalked enough that privacy matters, which is why I refuse to use FB and LJ. DW has been good to me so far, and Twitter is mostly just fandom and writing stuff, so I feel... well, as safe as one can feel online, which is "not enough but I'm going to have to take what I can get."

People have used my photos in ways I haven't liked before and have stolen my writing, so I am always cautious. And all my journal entries are locked unless they need to be open for Idol, but this is a good reminder to go back and lock those now, too.

Note: I wrote an entire memoir about my life, so... I don't mind honesty. But I need to be the one to share it. Other people "learning" about me or using my pics in weird ways is never going to be cool by me. Nor will places like LJ, who don't care about privacy (read the real TOS), or FB, which took a lot of my data (I was happy to shut that down).

Oh, the things I'll have to worry about for my 7-year-old. Sigh. He already wants a YouTube Channel. HELL NO. The Internet is fun, and I'm definitely grateful for it, but he needs to learn privacy now more than ever.

Back to recovering from emergency surgery. And a trip to the oncologist. It's... an ongoing thing with me, lol. ;)

From:

sonreir

Oh hey, you're alive! I'm glad you're okay. <3

I wonder a LOT about kids and privacy. I want to have kids within the next two years (I have a plan...), and I'm utterly terrified of what the Internet will do to them. It's already a much scarier place than it was when I was a kid; I can't imagine giving them a tablet or unfettered access to YouTube now, but I also don't want to be one of THOSE parents that makes a big deal about how screens are evil whilst using a smartphone themselves...sigh.

Glad you're still around. :)

From:

bsgsix

Thanks. :) I am here, just not very vocal. There's been a lot going on, health-wise, but as long as I'm careful, I should see another summer or two. Maybe more. I try to remain optimistic.

And I worry a LOT about kids and privacy, too. I mean, I love the Internet. It's how people buy my books. It's where a lot of my true friends that I cannot meet in person tend to dwell. It provides reasonable insights (if you know where to look). But for every single good point, there is a dark point. And like you said, I'm not going to be (nor am I) the hypocritical parent who spends all her time on the computer but then tells her kid never to get online. Right now, at 7, he has limits: we have parental controls. We don't go through his tablet, but he is blocked from some sites (like Facebook and Twitter). I also want to add that with his autism, he gets hyper-sensitive about what he finds out, so some of it - while he is a little kid - is to protect him. He doesn't need to read about rape on Twitter. Not at 7.

When he's 12? It's going to be a shitty, hard battle. I don't believe in full-on censorship, and I have no desire to spy on my kid. But I don't want him watching beheadings that pop up from some moron on Facebook. So I think we'll chat about it, though unless I have some reason (threat to self or others), I'm not going to go through his computer. I figure he'll look at things I won't be pleased about. As long as he isn't sharing direct location (and at 7, he knows I've been stalked - he was home when someone attacked me a few years back - so I think that he'll be cautious about that to some degree because he's SUPER protective of me already), and he isn't engaging in harmful acts of hatred toward himself, others, and targeted groups... I want to believe he'll be responsible. But we have talks now, and I think that's key. We discuss reasonable screen time (homework first, then Minecraft). We discuss the things people say online and how some people just outright lie for attention. We discuss what "safe" means in a virtual world. I think the conversation will grow in maturity as he does, but it's like money: the earlier he learns what to do, the fewer mistakes I can hope he makes in the future.

I ramble. :) But yes, I'm here, and happy to hear from you! I post privately in my journal randomly if you ever want to add me. And as long as I'm still kicking, I'll do Idol on DW next time I have the chance!

Good luck in this final round! I am excited for all of you!

From:

dmousey

I want to believe he'll be responsible. But we have talks now, and I think that's key. We discuss reasonable screen time (homework first, then Minecraft). We discuss the things people say online and how some people just outright lie for attention. We discuss what "safe" means in a virtual world. I think the conversation will grow in maturity as he does, but it's like money: the earlier he learns what to do, the fewer mistakes I can hope he makes in the future. This is all we can do. Talk and guide them through things - tell them the 'why' of things truthfully - and do not take their intelligence for granted. Most kids KNOW when they're not being told the truth, and the guise of their youth works against them.

Edited Date: 2019-05-03 04:06 pm (UTC)

From:

murielle

Oh no! Emergency surgery! So sorry, hon. *Hugs*

Sorry also I have been out of touch, haven't kept up.

*More Hugs*

From:

bsgsix

Thanks, my friend. *hugs* My gallbladder gave up the ghost overnight, and then, they found an umbilical hernia that could have caused septicemia. It's not been a fun few weeks! And today, I saw my oncologist who said things are - status quo. My cancer isn't going to go away. We just don't have an end date, but I'm trying to look at that positively. The end could be in 2 years or 20 if there ISN'T a date, right? So I'm cautiously optimistic. :)

I miss you! I'm randomly around on my journal, which is locked, but feel free to add me any time! *more hugs in return*

From:

halfshellvenus

It's a little of both, I think? Service providers being careless with their customers, and the need for more caveat emptor on the part of the user.

Dreamwidth came about when LiveJournal started to get weird, so the interface and choices look similar. But there are some key differences (for instance, the one-way friending/subscribing thing you can fall into without meaning to), and there are some places where commonality is implied, but it doesn't go as far as the user might think.

'Friends-locked' posts are a case in point. Your friends-group is specific to the platform (Dreamwidth or LJ). That would be true even if friending worked the same way at both places -- and it really doesn't.

When Dreamwidth cross-posts to LJ, it _could_ pass an indicator for "friends-only"... but thre's no guarantee that LJ would "see" it or interpret it correctly. You can only 'push' so much via an interface where posting-details are controlled (and coded by different people) at the other end.

It may be that when Dreamwidth crossposts friends-locked entries, it includes the friends permitted to see the entry... but of course, those would be your DREAMWIDTH friends and their handles at Dreamwidth.

So, we can only speculate as to which method Dreamwidth tries to use, and whether LJ even takes notice of it regardless. But the bottom line is... be sure you know what you're doing at any given site, and assume very little about cross-site behavior.

From:

murielle

Good info! Thank you.

From:

jake67jake

My wife and I were talking tonite about Google reviews (her company is being targeted by an ex employee) and what you can do about it and what you can't. She HATES social media but accepts it as a necessary evil; I embrace it as a place of relative anonymity, but I'm not foolish enough to believe in privacy. My 5yo grand is so much more savvy than I, but of course, naive. And we all do what we have to for her viewing safety.

when I was in the process of coming out, the internet saved my life. Literally. So, I feel a debt, if you will, to keep it around in my world. Maybe I can help save someone too. :)