Green Room - Break Week - Day 4

[clauderainsrm.livejournal.com]

When I got divorced, Christmas was horrible.

Being alone in general sucked, but the holidays were the among the toughest times in the year.

So, for the first couple years I did something special for myself.

Something that most people were cool about - but people who didn't have anything to do with it, other than see my posts - got riled up about.

I would put aside a little bit of money during the last couple months of the year and around the holidays, I would give that money to my Mom, along with a long list of things that I wanted. The list would be longer than could be purchased with that money. As it happened, I ended up with plans on Christmas Eve, so my Mom came over and put them under the tree.

It amused my Mom to "be playing Santa" and I had something to look forward to when I woke up on Christmas morning.

It didn't harm anyone and it amused the people directly involved.

Oh, but there were opinions about it - anywhere from "you shouldn't be spending money on yourself" to "you're an adult - suck it up!"

People always have an opinion to offer, when it doesn't impact their own lives. When it does - they often have excuses on why *their* decision to do things *isn't the same* as the people they were complaining about.

I'm not posting this to have people weigh in on if it was a good thing or not. It was. For those first couple years, that made a huge difference. The reason this came to mind is that I know there are people out there reading this who DON'T have family during this Christmas, or even ones who do, but are still feeling completely alone.

I know this because I've been there.

I'm lucky that I'm not there right now. Believe me, a few different decisions at crucial points a few years ago, and I would have been. I'm aware enough to know that.

So here's something I want you to know - DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO to get you through the holidays. *As long as it doesn't negatively impact someone else directly involved*. (have to put that in there, just in case. :D)

Don't let the "Well *I* wouldn't do that..." chorus make you as unhappy as they are. Find that bit of happiness and wonder - embrace it as long and hard as you need it. (But also be aware enough to know when you no longer do, especially if it ends up being more of a crutch. You'll know when it's time).

I would wish you "joy and happiness" during this holiday season - but instead I will wish you fear and torment knowing that this break will come to an end and you will be plunged into the fray once again!!

***

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Comments

[rayaso.livejournal.com]

First!

[xo-kizzy-xo.livejournal.com]

You are -- AGAIN!

[rayaso.livejournal.com]

It's just luck. Up too early, staring at the computer screen -- yup, definitely luck.

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

Woo-hoo!

[rayaso.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[xo-kizzy-xo.livejournal.com]

Eh, I'm really not in the holiday spirit this year. Working retail has a lot to do with it (a friend of mine likes to say "You can take that holiday spirit and shove it" coming off a 12-hour day).

I think being mostly housebound last month has a lot to do with it. Ditto the housemate situation. Both my parents' anniversaries were this past week and I'm feeling it quite keenly this year.

I think next year we need to adopt a kid or something.

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

Furry kid or human kid?

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

Good question! At this point I'd take a furry human kid - baby Sasquatch or the like!

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

Don't forget, though. If you adopt a Sasquatch you've pretty much committed yourself to homeschooling, because I think it would be next to impossible to mainstream them.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

You know what they say - a Sasquatch is for life!

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

True. A Sasquatch is also a good reason to subscribe to a "hair product of the month" service. For life.

[adoptedwriter.livejournal.com]

LOL. I got my SIL a Sasquatch holiday T-shirt for Xmas. He wanted it!

AW

[xo-kizzy-xo.livejournal.com]

Alas, my furry children have no idea it's nearing Christmas. They only know that everyone's rushing around and there are box things scattered in places one wouldn't expect to find them.

Our friends have a 3-year old daughter. They had a cookie exchange last weekend, and one of the other guests was thoughtful enough to bring a present for the daughter so she wouldn't be bored with all the adult talk. Watching her face light up as she picked apart the wrapping was even better than the cookies!

What is it my MIL says? "Holidays are for children. That's why my daughters went all out with everything when their children were small."

Kind of makes me wonder if I had given birth, I wonder what my child would be like.

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

Those sort of "what ifs" are always interesting to ponder. What if I had met my husband 10 years earlier and married him instead of my first husband? Would I have two or three children instead of one? But I don't think too hard about that, because that would mean not having KFP, and he's pretty freaking awesome. :)

I was talking to my husband's co-worker at his office Christmas party. She adopted a little girl at age 52!

I also have a friend my age (early 40s) who is the most caring, loving, maternal person I know. Never got married; no kids. She lavishes all her attention on her many nieces and nephews and tells me that's enough.

So I guess it all has to do with knowing what you want and following through on it.

[kandigurl.livejournal.com]

People and their opinions, man! They're probably all foreigners anyway.

<3

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

A bunch of good people here, and I'm grateful to know all of you, especially Gary. I'm still a little hurt by discovering, while writing out my Christmas card list and seeking updated address for people, that someone with whom I'd had a falling out earlier in the year -- a disagreement I thought was resolved, as she had since then sent a birthday gift to KFP and met us for lunch -- still hadn't friended me back on Facebook (after earlier defriending me). Of course, she's an older generation, so maybe it just slipped her mind.

In other news, our holiday week started off inauspiciously, as KFP woke up with a fever and then threw up repeatedly. Looks like the cold I thought was mild enough that I could still send him to school (and to a piano lesson) had morphed into something a little worse. The good news is that, while he threw up the first dose of kid's pain reliever/fever reducer, a later dose took effect. His temperature has gone down two degrees, to just above normal. He's also up out of bed and reading his "Cars: Tractor Tipping" book to himself while we watch the "Sesame Street" Christmas special in his room.

I actually like working from up here: it reminds me of the early days when I was just home from the hospital with him, typing from the bed as he nursed or napped.

[adoptedwriter.livejournal.com]

That barf bug is insidious here in Ohio! Look out! AW

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

We actually got lucky: the vomiting stage went away in less than a day. He was even able to participate in his Christmas program at his preschool the next day (and wasn't even the only kid up there coughing). :)

[eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com]

One year, in college, I stayed at school until after Christmas. On Christmas Eve and day I had volunteer shifts on a crisis line. I was alone. I chose not to go home that year, but being 19 or 20 and alone on Christmas can be, well, lonely. So I went out and bought a stocking and filled it. I then opened it on Christmas morning. It gave me enough of Christmas to make it through the holiday.

So, I hear ya.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

Hello from San Antonio, TX. I will probably do a Free Topic entry but I will have to either type the damn thing on my iPhone or borrow Minikin's mom's computer because our hotel room got burgled and our laptops, hubby's iPad, cameras, my Kindle, and the Christmas gifts we brought with us for our friends got stolen. Lots of fodder for an entry right there. We are fine and were not in the (ground floor) hotel room at the time.

Note to travelers: if you get a ground floor hotel room, close the drapes immediately to prevent people from seeing in. We rushed in to drop off stuff then headed out to meet friends for dinner and didn't think about it. By the time we got back 2-1/2 hours later the deed had been done (they broke the outside window to get in).

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

OMG that's horrible! Glad you're OK.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

Yeah, at least the hotel is trying to make it right. They have comped our entire stay and even got us a $250 gift card to Target to help replace some of the items we lost. They also filed an insurance claim so we will see what comes of that!

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

Well, that's good to hear! They seriously ought to look into improving the security for those ground-floor rooms, though.

I hope your holiday turns around for the rest of the week.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

No place to go but up! Thanks!

[alycewilson.livejournal.com]

So how was your Christmas? Did things work out?

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

Christmas was hectic but fine. We were at our friend's mom's house, and other than needing to go out on Christmas day at the last minute for some forgotten ingredients, we did okay. Still waiting to hear back from the hotel's insurance regarding any reimbursement for the stolen items; otherwise we will need to file with our homeowner's insurance. Argh.

How was your Christmas?

[jexia]

:( :( :( That sucks.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I'm guessing it was teens, but we don't really know.

[ryl.livejournal.com]

Yikes! Glad you're okay.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

Thanks, me too!

[tsuki-no-bara.livejournal.com]

holy shit! i'm glad you're ok, at least. but what a craptastic way to start your visit.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

Yeah, not the best way to start off the holiday season, but at least there is no place to go but up!

[adoptedwriter.livejournal.com]

Just glad you guys are safe! AW

[bleodswean.livejournal.com]

Oh, G. This is an amazing essay and just an absolutely beautiful-hurty self-revelation. Thank you for sharing it with us. And *hugs*

It's put me in a Christmas mood.

Some of the most true-to-the-spirit Christmases I experienced were those spent at the Salvation Army dinners, broken homeless men (mostly Vietnam Vets back then) and us hardcore street kids being waited on by the staff of do-gooders.

[ryl.livejournal.com]

One of my co-workers was aghast at the idea that I got myself a Christmas present. I told her that I had been very good this year and deserved to treat myself, but she didn't get it. If I told her I also get myself a birthday present, she'd probably collapse from my audacity.

I didn't even get me anything that fancy. This was a practical Christmas: I got me an APC backup battery for my computer.

[clauderainsrm.livejournal.com]

It's always interesting to see what people are going to be "aghast" about. Especially if it involves doing something *for yourself*.

For some reason it breaks a lot of people's brains.

[xo-kizzy-xo.livejournal.com]

Hmmm...

:looks around to see if anyone else noticed what you just said:

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

I am a big fan of buying oneself presents on occasion - you know exactly what you most need or want, and if it is clothing you know what best fits and looks good!

[dmousey.livejournal.com]

I do that! Buy myself a birthday present. :)

There's a Dave Matthew's song 'What Would You Say' and a verse in it explains why I buy myself a present every year,

The verse is: Every dog has its day
Every day has its way
Of being forgotten (Mom its my birthday!)
What would you say!

My birthday was forgotten when I was 14,15,17. On my 18th I started buying for myself.

My first present -my best friend for 16 years! I miss his smart, silly self, everyday, Mumford T. Puppet, afectionately known as the 'Foo' or Puppet Dog, my 11 pound Cockapoo. He was such a wonderful little character.

He would guard my daughter, adoringly and with diligence, when she was a babe. I was getting her ready for a bath one night and just tossed her clothes into the hamper as usual. Well, Puppet must've thought I threw her into clothes bin! He clawed and jumped, whining and barking at it and would NOT stop until I showed her to him. Believe me, he had to check for all fingers and toes too!

Silly dog.

[reckless-blues.livejournal.com]

I bought a present for my brother, don't have any other loved ones to bother with. I was happy because I had been wanting to buy it for him for a dog's age, it's just they only produce it in limited runs (it's a music box from a game, it's a small indie game so they don't make a lot of them, only when there might be enough demand). (This game (http://freebirdgames.com/to_the_moon/), actually. He came into my room crying his eyes out after he had finished it and told me I had to play it - then I finished it a few hours later and *I* was crying my eyes out and that night was just a goddamned mess - it's the only time I've seen my brother cry in his adult life.)

I used to get really depressed over the holidays, but now that I'm older I don't really care about Christmas/New Year's. My friend also sent me some stuff which was really nice of her. She included a chocolate orange which I had never seen before in real life.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

My hubby loves those chocolate oranges - it's fun to give them a whack before eating, to break apart the sections!

[reckless-blues.livejournal.com]

I almost didn't want to do it, it was too fancy. (I wanted the chocolate more than I wanted the fancy, however.)

[adoptedwriter.livejournal.com]

Gary, wishing you a Holiday time of peace and all that makes you happy! AW

[dmousey.livejournal.com]

I've learned to be happy with whatever little family I have. Like Gary I had a few challenging ones, divorced, single mother, 2 children and one is autistic, but no extra money (and no mother) to buy myself anything! I think it's lovely, the little tradition you and your mom came up with!

I hope you have a fantabulous Holiday doing whatever makes it so! :)

[eternal-ot.livejournal.com]

Did any one tell you - "You do write well"
People always have an opinion to offer, when it doesn't impact their own lives. When it does - they often have excuses on why *their* decision to do things *isn't the same* as the people they were complaining about.
True that. And reading all this just made me order a cheese burst pizza, all for myself without any guilt..;) (Oh! there's always new year resolution to cover that up..:P ) Have Fun Everyone!

[similiesslip.livejournal.com]

This post meant a lot to me. My divorce is almost final and I'm home alone today.

Thanks for writing this, Gary!