Green Room - Week 15 - Weekend Edition

[clauderainsrm.livejournal.com]

FYI (If you are an Idol community member)

Dear community members,

I have some information that might interest you. Last night, as we sometimes do, our family sat around the dining-room table and looked through the summer’s Idol friend's list photos.

We have two cats and a dog, and so naturally there are quite a few pictures of your pets to wade through. Wow – you sure took a bunch of selfies this summer! Nothing you've posted is all that cute though! Tarter Sauce brought this to our attention, because, she notices girly details like that and is never all that impressed with anything.

I think the dog noticed other things. For one, it appears that you have not offered her a treat, or thrown a ball in her direction.

I get it – you’re in your room, and nowhere around, right? But then I can’t help but notice that you're not always in that place, you could easily come over and throw that ball. What’s up? None of these non-ball throwing positions are ones that I am allowed to assume, I have to get my lazy butt up and throw it before I do anything else, this I know.

So, here’s the bit that I think is important for you to realize. If you are friends with LJ Idol on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter, then you are friends with the whole Idol family. This includes the dog and the cats. It also includes all of the other members of the Idol community. You are now all friends! Act like it!

Please know that we genuinely like staying connected with you this way! We enjoy seeing things through your unique and colorful lens – you pretend to be insightful, and often think you are very, very funny.

Which is what makes your latest posts so extremely unfortunate.

That post doesn’t reflect who you are at all! We think someone might find you lovely and interesting, not us, but someone, and usually very smart, not the worst. But, we had to cringe and wonder what you were trying to do? Who are you trying to reach? What are you trying to say?

And now – big bummer – we have to block your posts. Because, the reason we have these (sometimes awkward) family conversations around the table is that we care about our cats and dogs, just as we know someone, maybe, cares about you.

I know your family would not be thrilled at the thought of my cats seeing you update about what you bought at the store. Did you know that once a cat sees you, they can’t quickly un-see it? They may decide to not care, but they can't un-see it. You don’t want our animals to only think of you in this way, do you?

Neither do we. We’re all more than that. Well, most of us at least. Perhaps not you.

And so, in our house, there are no second chances, ever. We have a zero tolerance policy, well except for Second Chance Idol. You can occasionally get a second chance there. I know, so (word redacted). But, if you want to stay friendly with Idol online, you’ll have to keep your clothes on, and your posts decent. Which pretty much eliminates a good 99% of those in the community. If you post a rant (we all know the kind), or YouTube video of any kind – even once – it’s curtains. And not the frilly kind.

I know that sounds so old-school, but we are hoping to raise animals, and yes, Idol contestants, with a strong moral compass, and creatures of integrity don’t linger over your type of posts.

Every day I pray for the community at large. I hope they will be drawn to vote in the poll http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/691577.html, and find the kinds of entries that will leave them better people in the end. I also pray that the community members will be worthy of these entries, that they will be patient – and act honorably – while they wait to read the next one, which might be even better than the last.

Idolers, it’s not too late! To learn how to love, and forget how to hate. If you think you’ve made an on-line mistake (we all do – don’t fret – I’ve made some doozies, even today!), RUN to your accounts and take down all of your entries that cause people to see you in one dimension. You can keep up the ones that cause people to see you in five though.

Will you trust me? There are voters out there waiting and hoping for entries of character. Some readers are fighting the daily uphill battle to keep their minds pure, and their thoughts praiseworthy – just like you.

You are growing into a real beauty, inside and out. Well, you're growing. That's something, right.

Act like a proper Idoler, speak like one, post like one.

Mr Dreslinski

Comments

[porn-this-way.livejournal.com]

I was snickering a bit. Then I got to this:

I know, so (word redacted). But, if you want to stay friendly with Idol online, you’ll have to keep your clothes on, and your posts decent. Which pretty much eliminates a good 99% of those in the community. If you post a rant (we all know the kind), or YouTube video of any kind – even once – it’s curtains. And not the frilly kind.

...and totally fucking lost it. Congrats, Gary. You've joined the proud ranks of people who are directly responsible for Mountain Dew and\or Dr Pepper getting sprayed all over my screen. I hope you're pleased with yourself! *blocks your posts from now on to protect her poor, delicate computer equipment from your evil godless ways*

[spydielives.livejournal.com]

Smartest thing I've read today!

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

Hellooooooo! Good to see you popping into the GR! :)

[porn-this-way.livejournal.com]

Ha! Blocking Gary's posts to save my computer equipment from his evil, godless ways? I know, I shoulda done that ages ago.

ETA: or perhaps just blocking his posts in general. :p

[theun4givables.livejournal.com]

Man I had seen this letter all over the place, too -- with some obviously agreeing with it and others ripping it to shreds.

I love what you did to make it Idol friendly. ;)

[kathrynrose.livejournal.com]

Oh, Lord.

Do I want to know about this one? Can I be proud that I never hear about these things from my FB friends?

FWIW, I like everyone's cats and dogs better than the humans anyway. ::shrug::

[porn-this-way.livejournal.com]

http://givenbreath.com/2013/09/03/fyi-if-youre-a-teenage-girl/

Naturally, I think this fuckwit is from Texas.

ETA: Confirmed. Fuckwit is from Texas. OF COURSE.

[kathrynrose.livejournal.com]

Thanks?

At least this one isn't as boggle-inducing as the last one. Are people up in arms about it? I mean, she's not suggesting anyone kill girls who dress in towels.

I feel sorry for her sons, but there are a lot of moms who are worse. (An argument could be made that my mother and grandmother both belonged on that list.)

::shrug::

[clauderainsrm.livejournal.com]

The people who are anti-that letter say that she is "slut shaming" the girls.

[kathrynrose.livejournal.com]

I'm notsomuch concerned that a parent of any kind encourage young people to think about the image of themselves they're launching out into the infinity that is the internet.

I AM concerned that she is spreading the "clothing=character" argument, and the way she's teaching it to her sons. "You don't have to respect someone who looks like this..." or "You should not be seen to associate with someone who looks like this..."

I'd hate for them to learn the logic of so many defense attorneys in rape trials.

Adolescence is confusing enough, and young girls get messages from advertisers and entertainers that they should look a certain way, and yeah, those messages suck in a major way.

It's complicated. Yes it would be nice if the cultural climate leaned away from kids being sexualized. But I think what this mom needs is a TARDIS, so she can relocate her family to the 1950s.

[acalculatedname.livejournal.com]

What I don't get, most of all, about stuff like this is that the authors / purveyors of such things are puking up materials likely to backfire and simply push more encouragement of the "undesirable behavior" into the eternal generation-gap feedback loop. For every girl who might read something like this and be "shamed" into, I don't know, wrapping themselves head to toe in burlap, there will be five who take it as a sign that the targets of this kind of ire are doing something right, maybe seek to imitate that behavior even if they weren't doing so to begin with, and miss any remotely valid points that might be deeply buried therein.

This kind of thing is a no-win all round, accordingly. It's absolutely horrible and despicable as a statement of personal perception and preconceptions, and yet if it's going 'round as a meme, it's also just going to lead to more kids doing stuff they'll possibly later regret on the Internet.

Of course, I think we as a society are going to have a long, hard rethink about how we view such things. I've already chewed the hell out of several business-owner friends for making Facebook searches a part of their "employee reference check." I personally feel that shit isn't fair. We all live completely separate professional and personal lives, and just because someone over 40 wouldn't post every sordid detail of their personal lives doesn't mean that a 20something who *does* so will be a bad hire.

[porn-this-way.livejournal.com]

Ugh don't EVEN get me started on employer facebook snooping shit. I use a fake-ass name on facebook for my own protection, as do many people in my profession, but it's kind of scary how many people feel the need to do so, even if they're working typical office jobs. The idea that people aren't entitled to their personal lives when they're off the clock is creepy as fuck. Knowing the difference between "acceptable conduct at work" and "shit I like to do on my own time" is part of being a professional whatever-the-fuck-it-is-you-do, and it's a crazy-ass leap of (il)logic to assume that just because a person likes to party it up when they're on vacation with their friends, that automatically means they'll think it's totally fine to do a kegstand in the office break room and show up to work in a g-string bikini.

[acalculatedname.livejournal.com]

Exactly, my porny peer. Exactly.

[porn-this-way.livejournal.com]

I AM concerned that she is spreading the "clothing=character" argument, and the way she's teaching it to her sons. "You don't have to respect someone who looks like this..." or "You should not be seen to associate with someone who looks like this..."

I'd hate for them to learn the logic of so many defense attorneys in rape trials.

Yup, this. Pretty much every takedown of the letter I've seen has come at it from this angle - that it's harmful as hell for someone to send a message to her own sons, or to young women in general, that it's a woman's job to not be a temptress, that if a dude gets a boner checking out a chick, then said boner is the chick's fault and responsibility, that a woman's value and whether or not she's deserving of respect is dependent upon her clothing choice and facebook pics, that if you, as a teenager, have the audacity to explore and experiment with your sexuality, even if it's just in the form of a pouty-lipped selfie, then you're ruining yourself and those around you...just scary shit all around.

[agirlnamedluna.livejournal.com]

That was exactly what she was doing - putting all blame/responsibility on women, implying guys are just so weak they can't even hold their own boners in check.

[kathrynrose.livejournal.com]

So, here's what just burbled up from the back of my mind.

Who is this woman? Is she famous for some reason? Does she have like eleventy kajillion twitter followers? Why the fuck does ANYBODY who doesn't live under her thumb in her house give a damn what she thinks about this?

Where is the benefit in making her an internet meme? It only drives traffic to her, for what possible benefit? Does anyone think they're going to change her mind?

And a generation further, why write a parody of her post, requiring those of us who had been lucky enough not to be pulled into her hit counter to go look so we could know WTF you're going on about?

I mean, trust me. I know a LOT of people who have REALLY STUPID opinions about a lot of things. I'm not going to point the internet to them, because they're taking up too much of my world as it is.

[whipchick.livejournal.com]

She runs a ministry. Where she spreads this crap to young people who will hopefully read some of the counter-arguments :)

[acalculatedname.livejournal.com]

Thank you for clearing up this massive WTFeuryism for me. This kind of thing doesn't get much publicity in the "What Vintage Guitar Amp Would Jesus Choose?" communities I hand out in most of the time.

(edit: i of course meant to type "hang" but i think the phrase "I hand out in" is relevant to current discussion)

(edit 2: because masturbation)

[anyonesghost.livejournal.com]

Using the phrase "WTFeuryism" has earned you one (1) bonus internet.

[acalculatedname.livejournal.com]

Did I miss the part where I won the Internet?

Gary's rewrite was so uhh "convincing" I thought he was actually issuing new instructions to participants or something. Trying to parse said "instructions," I really did feel like I was starting to have a bit of a stroke.

[porn-this-way.livejournal.com]

Wait. Did you just confess to using images of Jesus with a vintage guitar amp as...er...auto-erotic lust fodder? *backs away veeeeery slowly*

[ashgaelsonaria.livejournal.com]

I have never been pure of mind so I can not keep it that way.
I do not have a life so I can create a lovely illusion of purity.
I am innocent.
Very sweet and innocent.
Ask anyone who doesn't know me.

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

The abstraction of the real letter became a little weird, mostly what with the pets and all. Cats that cannot "unsee" what they have seen!

It seems she has changed the pictures in the original post, since I saw a lot of comments about her sons in bathing suits re: her own pictures.

I'm old-fashioned enough that I think people overuse "slut-shaming" as a concept. I don't think the over-sexualized behavior is any more acceptable when boys/men do it, and I think a lot of people will regret it as they get older. Just like that neck tattoo they thought was so awesome when they were in that 18-25 age group.

I know your family would not be thrilled at the thought of my cats seeing you update about what you bought at the store.
That one confused me, in the Idol context. What, the pet bought treats? And the cat's holding a grudge now? Although, they definitely can.

Can I invent a word, for the tone of the woman's post and many other things I see around the web? 'Insipitude.' Now, there's a fine goal!

[acalculatedname.livejournal.com]

That's a good word you've invented, friend.

And yeah, I have one cat who holds grudges for months.

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

One of our cats, who was very sweet and patient in all other regards, was never very happy when we went on vacation. After one trip, he spent an entire day sitting with his back to us. If we moved, he'd move too-- just to make sure we noticed that he was mad!

Our being gone was the only thing he couldn't forgive, which I can't really fault him for. :)

[acalculatedname.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's pretty adorable. You can't get mad at an animal for getting mad at you because they missed you, or whatever the cat-equivalent is.

I love my 14.5-year-old Champ, but he has always been noisy and very attention-demanding, and it's kind of gotten worse as he's entered the geriatric years. He will sit on the back of the couch directly behind my ear after a hard day of you-name-it and meow loudly over and over into said ear while headbutting me repeatedly. If I yell at him to please oh god just leave me alone for a couple minutes, and he actually decides to pay attention to my angry request... he will give me a unrelenting stare of great distrust, move to a new spot where he can continue giving me the evil eye for a protracted interval, then stay there and stop "speaking" to me for a week or more.

[agirlnamedluna.livejournal.com]

It was more because she's entirely putting the responsibility on the women/girls to make sure her precious sons weren't tempted, because once they have seen a bit of flesh, they can't unsee it, and what then?! Basically she's saying that her sons/men are so feeble minded that the least bit of exposure will send them over the edge and it's game on.

Yes, a lot of people did point out she was being hypocritical, posting pictures of her sons posing in shorts (which apparently is perfectly fine, but her daughter must've been appropriately hiding somewhere).

I do think lots of people will regret stuff, but that's true in general and on the other hand, you learn from your mistakes. I think it's more important to teach kids self-respect and taking responsibility than tell them to make sure their dress/skirt is long enough. Responsibility not being "that's what you get for wearing a short skirt", obviously.

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

t was more because she's entirely putting the responsibility on the women/girls to make sure her precious sons weren't tempted
I can see why people would be upset about that. Her demographic increases the likelihood that she'll see things that way, unfortunately.

I think it's more important to teach kids self-respect
Well, not cheapening yourself is one of those areas of self-respect. But yes, other people do need to be responsible for their own reactions (and for knowing that whatever may be displayed, you still don't have a right to it).

[notodette.livejournal.com]

This needs to be publicly thrown onto the awesome response pile.

[marjory.livejournal.com]

In every picture that I have posted of my cats on FB, they are naked except for collars.

In every picture of humans, they are naked under their clothes.

I take pride in this.