Survivor: LJ Idol Reunion Part 6

[clauderainsrm]

 We're back! 

We left off with a 6-6 split going into the merge between the forces of Old Asaga and Old Luzon. Would old relationships stay strong? Would some of the newer ones from LaMina hold? 

swirlsofpurple had come back into the game, with an idol in her possession to keep her from being the first person voted out of the merged tribe. 

I've always liked when Production took away the 'easy" choice.  There's nothing more pointless to watch than a season where someone comes back only to be voted out immediately. Which is why I made sure that whoever it was coming back into the game would have a little time and space to get their feet back under them again. 

We also had just gained our first 5 members of the Jury. Which, to the Survivor fans in the group, meant that the game was about to get serious. (if it hadn't already before) 

bsgsix ended up winning the first immunity, and it wasn't even close.  It's funny, because looking back, I even used a picture of Shonee winning immunity. For those who don't follow Australian Survivor (pretty much all of you), Shonee was a player beloved by her tribemates who went on a *really* dangerous run of immunity wins late in the game that almost got her all the way to the end. For those paying attention to the pictures used over the course of the season, there were quite a few of those references thrown in.  Much like Survivor editing, and producer questions throughout a filmed season, to help guide viewers through the unfolding narrative. 

Looking back, and knowing how bsgsix was actually part of the tightest alliance (the one that made it to the very end of this game) it's kind of funny to see how many times the "I don't watch the show" was mentioned. As if she wasn't smart enough, and competitive enough, to pick up on how to win.  :D   "Don't look at me! I'm just over here winning the immunities. I'm no threat!"  :D :D :D 

This is where I saw lawchicky819 start to come out of the shadows and play more aggressively. What I don't know is if it was getting anxious to play (after avoiding tribal council for so long) or, if, as a known fan who wasn't part of an alliance, made her feel like a noose was slipping around her neck at some point in the near future.  After all, at the merge there are two main kinds of boots - the big threat and the compromise, where no one particularly wants to eliminate them, but it's better than getting voted out themselves. 

It's always interesting, to me, during every Idol season (and special event like this) when the word "fair" gets thrown around and I delved a little bit into that during the tribal council. Because what is "fair" always seems to favor of the person making the argument.  :)  It's rare when someone who doesn't fit that criteria goes, "Yeah, go ahead and get rid of me"...  :D 

Looking through the tribal council, I now notice how quickly gunwithoutmusic comes to explain what bsgsix was talking about, and uses the idea of going to the end with her as an example. Which, in retrospect, was a clue to what his plan was! 

Of course, it's also where bleodswean talks quite a bit about NOT thinking about the game strategically. Which might be why the perception was "OH, she must be REALLY game playing HARD!"  :p 

swirlsofpurple's idol play being Rick Devens was also deliberate. Like him, she was coming back into the game. Would she, wreck havoc like he did? I honestly didn't know. But it was going to be fun to watch!

***
As the votes starting coming in, I'll admit, I was shocked.  There were 3 votes that were completely unconnected to everyone else and 9 split between two others.  Which, to me, meant that there definitely were at least 3 people who were wild cards, unconnected, but that despite all the time about there not really being alliances, you don't get a 5-4-1-1-1 vote by coincidence.  :) 

wolfden  was voted out. Which (see above) seemed like the compromise "Let's vote for someone who didn't get many votes this week" tactic. lawchicky819 was the other. Who also didn't get many votes, but it felt more strategic given that she was talking about changing the game up. 

If things hadn't come in tied, I could see how that argument might have worked. But the old lines seemed to hold, and old Asaga continued on their downhill slide... in a couple of weeks I went from thinking Luzon was done for, to now entirely sure how any Asagas were going to make it to the end... 

***
While everyone else was celebrating New Years Eve, flipflop_diva was finding her THIRD idol.  This one involved solving a puzzle. I was expecting the big night to distract most people... but she found it, and solved the puzzle, far faster than I was expecting. 

Not only did she seem to be part of a solid alliance, she now had the largest arsenal of hidden immunity idols, at once,  in the history of Survivor!  And her original tribe now had a small edge numbers-wise, so I didn't think she was in any danger. 

it's difficult to point to any one event and say "this is what cost people the game", but for the vast majority of those who didn't make the Top 4, this was the vote that cost them the game.  ;)  Is it fair to say that? Maybe.  Is it dramatic and over-the-top to say that? Definitely! 

Will I say it again? Without a doubt!

This is the vote that cost most of you the game! 

lawchicky819 was trying to shake things up, and (from the outside) was looking for a way to stay in the game just a little longer. As has been mentioned, she was, in a lot of ways, playing "the goat", someone that no one will vote for at the end because they just ruffled too many feathers. At this point, in a group playing Survivor, one of the alliances (close knit groups) would have taken her in and used her for a few votes to get rid of a big target. 

IMO, and your mileage may vary on this, but the biggest problem was that she mentioned bsgsix as that target. Which got the attention of bsgsix's alliance. Who were the people most likely to see the usefulness of that goat strategy. 

bsgsix won immunity, in another blow out.  (This time the picture was Ciera, who voted out her Mom... sorry, inside Survivor joke there.  :D)  But again, another major threat in any game. ) At that point, she was bringing in almost twice as many voters as the nearest competitor.  So lawchicky certainly wasn't wrong about her being an obvious threat.  The problem being that you can't vote her out until she loses immunity... and no one (other than me) knew that there was a possibility of that ever happening.  (The double tribal council was on the horizon, but still a few weeks away)   From the tribal council comments though, you can tell that the pressure is definitely there to keep winning as the path to the finale.  (Of course, again, her alliance ended up going all the way, so there's a good chance she could have gotten there without winning through... just by having the numbers on her side...) 

The other big "threats" were either too beloved figures (which again - threats) or already a part of the alliance most likely to use her vote.  It pretty much sealed her fate when she ended up with the fewest votes that week. 

There were people "in the middle" though who could have take this shot at someone else, and turned the game to their favor. Especially a member of Luzon taking out a different Asaga member.  Or an Asaga taking out one of Luzon's numbers... I really felt like this was a lynchpin moment and instead, a Cesternino in Amazon or "Dolly in the middle" happened - where the group got together and voted out the potential swing vote. 

This time there were *4* votes for a single person, so there was definitely a shot at bringing those people together under a plan to get to the end...  but it didn't end up working out that way. 

She went out on a strong entry, and swinging for the fences. So it's not all bad... but it was still a sting to lose one of the Survivor fans... 

The original Asaga, once controlling the game with a 3-person advantage, was now down by 2... and another major game-changing event was about to occur... 
***

Now we come to one of, if not THE, most dramatic moments of the season - when bsgsix stubbed her toe or something... ;)   Or at least that's how I choose to remember it. Not that she was struggling to cling on to life itself... way too stressful to think about.  Not "she went into a coma"...  Instead, make it  "she just really liked sleeping. Maybe a little too much".  See, much more refreshing way to think about it!  Be more positive bsgsix!!!  ;)  

Obviously she has very poor priorities. Anyone else would have known that you shouldn't be battling for your ACTUAL  life when there is a perfectly good battle for your "life" inside a game being played on a knockoff version of Livejournal!  ;)  

Seriously, I can laugh (and hopefully she can as well) because everything turned out OK. Or at least she's still around, to kick like the hippie she is. I know a lot of people both inside, and out, of the game itself were really worried about the real life struggle that was happening. 

But we also had to deal with it inside the game... and that's what the next segment is about!  

Touchy Subjects - and the touchy situation... coming up next! 

Comments

[gunwithoutmusic]

I will admit that I was among those that voted for wolfden - I didn't want to see her go, but my rationale at the time was that she was going through a lot of personal stuff at the time and didn't need the added stress of competition. Combined with the fact that she hadn't received as many votes in the poll, I assumed that the "fair" voters would be leaning toward her and went in that direction.

In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best reasoning - wolfden herself didn't seem ready to stop despite what was going on in her life at the moment, so I shouldn't have decided for myself that she was ready to go. But since the Tribal Council made it seem like people were leaning toward an original Asaga member to get the boot anyway, I was kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. I had wanted to see an original Luzon member go so that maybe original Asaga could use their numbers to the advantage in the next Tribal Council; that certainly would have cleared the path to the end for me pretty well!

But it didn't look like that was going to happen. With the way the votes actually shook out, there's a possibility that we could have made my original goal happen, but it seemed too risky.

As far as lawchicky goes, maybe she'll come in and speak to this, but from my perspective, it looked like she felt backed into a corner and wanted to play up the "take a goat to the end" strategy. It wasn't bad strategy at all, and I think it was probably the smartest thing she could have done in the situation that it looked like she was in. But I don't think the majority of players really understood the idea well enough to look at her and say, "Maybe she's right; take her to the end with me and maybe I stand a better chance."

[clauderainsrm]

How did that vote end up being between 2 original Asagas? On paper, it's 6-6, but obviously that's not how it broke. Plus, flipflop_diva was with you and had been on the outs with the original Luzon, so I didn't see her going with them.

If you had known about the two idols already in the game, and who had them, would that have changed your strategy at the merge?

[gunwithoutmusic]

I think it came down to the fact that wolfden and lawchicky both had the lowest vote totals in the polls, and the fact that we were coming off of the tribe switch and not really knowing what was going on at that point as far as relationships were concerned.

At that point, I was working with flipflop_diva, but I had no idea about Idols and I had no idea that she was really "on the outs" with original Luzon. I also hadn't been working directly with halfshellvenus yet, and impoetry was out of the game. The only person whose vote I could count on was bsgsix.

I don't know for sure who voted for wolfden and who voted for lawchicky, but if four votes for wolfden came from my group, I can see in retrospect how we may have been able to manipulate that into a tie at least by going after a Luzon member. The problem is that the lowest vote-getter that was originally a Luzon member was alycewilson, and how are you going to convince someone to vote her out so early, especially when she didn't even perform the lowest in the poll?

Since we didn't get the benefit of being able to actually "see" people having side conversations (in real Survivor, it's probably a little easier to pick out who's working together based on who's always going out to get water, who's always hanging out in the ocean together, that sort of thing), the only thing we could rely on for figuring out where votes might be going would be the Tribal Council. And we were still at the point where we were talking about playing fair with the votes, doing things "Idol-style," so it just seemed like there wasn't much to do but keep my head down and place my vote where I thought it would make the most impact. "As long as it ain't me," was my mantra through most of the game. :)

If I had known at the merge that there were in fact Idols in play, and who had them, I think that might have changed my strategy but I don't think it would have changed the outcome, if that makes sense. I feel like if I knew that flipflop had an Idol, I would have felt more comfortable with the idea of losing original Asaga members because that could have led original Luzon members to feel more complacent, and my alliance would have had an ace up its sleeve. Not that I would have pressured flipflop to use her Idol in a way that wouldn't benefit her directly, but it would have been nice at the merge knowing there was that safety net.

[flipflop_diva]

At that point, I was working with flipflop_diva, but I had no idea about Idols and I had no idea that she was really "on the outs" with original Luzon.

I don't know that I would have said I was "on the outs" with my original tribe! I think I told you (though I don't remember when so it could have been after that first vote) that no one on my original tribe (except n3m3s3s) seemed to want to talk strategy, or at least they didn't want to talk strategy with me. So while I felt alone in the sense, I never thought they hated me or anything like that, and we never had a falling out. I would have said it was more a difference of opinion on how to play the game :)

But that said, that first vote I was trusting you! I mean, I didn't fully trust you, which is why I hadn't told you about the Idols yet (though I think I told you about one of them not too much longer after this. I know I told you before Lex got sick), but I trusted you that even if you were using me, you weren't going to vote me out that first week. So I probably would have voted for anyone you wanted to at that point!

I definitely had felt very, very alone on Luzon, and you were the one person (beside n3m3s3s who was gone) who seemed to want to work with me, so at that point, I basically decided to myself that I was just going to try and make an alliance work with you the best I could!

[clauderainsrm]

He was just quoting me with the "on the outs"... I definitely saw you as certainly not being "in the ins" with them. :D

[gunwithoutmusic]

Haha, I "trusted" you from the beginning, but in that Survivor way where I'm like, "Okay, this all looks good and if everything works out as I'm expecting, things are looking up for me, but... she could just be stringing me along until she gets back to her Luzon friends."

I think that first merge vote definitely upped my confidence in the alliance. :)

[alycewilson]

I wouldn't say you were "on the outs" with Luzon. But yes, there was a reluctance to talk strategy, at least openly. I have no idea if there were any private conversations going on to which I wasn't privy.

[bleodswean]

I'm lol-ing because of these hidden Idols. I honestly had ZERO idea what you were on about. I thought you were making a Survivor joke at every Council. I just didn't know! And of course no one "in the know" was explaining it. I think it's brilliant now that these were actual things and one could actually intuitively track them down!

When lawchicky said she wanted to strategize, I pm-ed her because it had become apparent to me at that point - after much crazy assed drama - that I need to begin strategizing. THAT move was my single biggest mistake in the game and boy-howdy did things go south because of that pm!

[clauderainsrm]

" I thought you were making a Survivor joke at every Council"

That made me laugh harder than it should have!!!

BTW - yes, it has happened in Survivor where someone *has* given up their individual immunity necklace. That wasn't a joke either. ;)

[clauderainsrm]

"THAT move was my single biggest mistake in the game and boy-howdy did things go south because of that pm!"

You can't just throw out that nugget and leave it hanging. :)

I'm going to assume that it got back to people... which, you "playing the game" is definitely something people should have been worried about. At this point in the game, that would have been a game-ender for everyone who *didn't* have 3 idols in their pocket. :)

[bleodswean]

LOL. I've said enough. That pm opened the lid on the shit can. I heard things and things got said and I finally reached out to some of the folx whose names I kept hearing....and by the end of it all, I just was utterly bewildered. It's crazy what some people will say and what some people will believe!

[gunwithoutmusic]

Sorry for the rough experience! I can't imagine that I'm one of the people that was talked about because I really don't think I said anything about you to anyone other than, "I'm scared of her" lol - and I'm sure that you would have brought it up to me in some of our conversations toward the end of the game or outside the game - but it's still a shame hearing about some of the negative experiences people had with this version of Idol.

I personally had a pretty good time and some great conversations and good experiences with people (for the most part) so it bums me out when I hear about all the drama. I tried to approach this experience like I was just having a game night with my friends, and we all knew we were just playing a game and that someone would win and most of us would lose but there would be no hard feelings or anything after it. I had high hopes that all of us would approach it in that sense, but I guess that was wishful thinking.

[bleodswean]

That's an interesting viewpoint, S! It never felt like a fun family game night to me. LOL!

I think when someone's personal and prideful and creative self is part of the game....the idea of strategizing to eliminate folks just feels icky. Different if you're playing a table game and the you that's YOU isn't in play. Combining writing, which comes from such an intimate and fragile and vulnerable place, with teaming up and joining forces and creating alliances seems the perfect combination for hurt feelings, misunderstandings and drama. :)

[gunwithoutmusic]

That's a very good point - I had actually wondered if anyone would figure out that the way this was set up, it would have been extremely easy to "game the system" by just writing out a bunch of gobbledygook each week instead of actually crafting a well-written piece. It was entirely possible to get through this game to the very end without actually writing anything! I would be interested to see, if Gary decides to do this again (maybe recruiting people that are more in it for the Survivor side of things than the Idol side of things), how many people might actually do something like that.

It was definitely a lot harder, I think, than being on "real" Survivor, specifically because we were all writing actual entries and we were all putting our all into that part of things. I came into this expecting it to be mostly fun having the Tribal Councils and stuff, but it was definitely not fun voting people out. I didn't have a really bad experience in the interpersonal side of things with this game, but those Tribal Councils were always rough, even (and fairly often, especially) when I knew I was going to be safe. It's always hard watching the poll eliminate someone in regular Idol, more so when you get to the end and there's only a handful of really talented people left that are doing their best, but it was a lot rougher on me knowing that I had some control over that.

[clauderainsrm]

" it would have been extremely easy to "game the system" by just writing out a bunch of gobbledygook each week instead of actually crafting a well-written piece" One of the reasons for the double tribal council. Someone COULD "game" the system, just like they could do the same with the regular Idol. It's why I have twists in place to keep someone from just having a bunch of friends who like their writing run the tables.

If I did another Survivor, there would be more of those twists.

I also was counting on the Idol-ethic of people being an established part of the community to help keep tat sort of play in check. :)

[gunwithoutmusic]

It'd be an interesting strategy for sure - that would be someone that would basically be straight-out saying, "I'm in with a group and I know we've got numbers and I know they'll protect me," which seems stupid, but if it actually was a case of someone knowing they'd be protected regardless of what they submit, it would make sense to do that. They stay protected in the game with minimal effort, and their group has a good reason to keep them around because they'd make a great goat at the end.

Depending on the makeup of the Jury, it probably wouldn't be the best way to win, but it would certainly be a good way to end up at the end and have a chance to plead your case for being good at gameplay.

[clauderainsrm]

It would be a huge goat move for sure. "No one would EVER vote for me to win. Take me to the end!"

I've seen people try it in Idol-proper before, and they've actually made it a couple weeks before (1) they realize it's really boring and (2) people get sick of them.

[bsgsix]

I think that, for the most part, DMs/PMs made this competition nasty. We're probably talking about different people in this particular situation, but unless I was just chatting with someone about strategy (or just chatting in general, like I did with you!) - DMs made people mean, especially in a more competitive game that no one in Idol had ever played before. I feel the same about "what some people will say and what some people will believe," too.

It was fun at first, but... it didn't stay fun for a lot of people. I was one of them, but I know you understand that/understand why.

[lawchicky819]

I'm really sorry you got flack for talking to me. I don't remember even mentioning to anyone that I spoke with you (I looked quickly at my direct messages on DW and there was nothing in there where I mentioned your name).

The funny thing was that our conversation was so benign and you were really non-committal to me. I got the feeling that you were reaching out more to try to get information from me than to join my cause.

[bleodswean]

I really did reach out to join an alliance.

[clauderainsrm]

If that had happened, it may have definitely changed the direction of the game.

[bleodswean]

I have to admit to a bit of intrigue about that idea myself now, G. But what are ya gonna do?

[lawchicky819]

And the folly there.. was that I didn't have much of an alliance to walk you into. The people I thought were on my side had other allegiances. Sometimes THAT is the name of the game. I would have joined up with anybody at that point because I knew I was dead in the water without some support. In the end, it was easier for most of the players to cut me.

[bleodswean]

That was really when I began to understand the power of the alliances and the strategizing because your writing was consistently top-notch and entertaining. It became apparent that the writing wasn't making a whit of difference to the votes.

[lawchicky819]

And look- I'm not going to pull punches. I generally start off slow in these competitions and I don't put out my best content in the first couple of weeks. The week I was eliminated was one of my strongest entries for THIS year's competition.
And not everyone put out their best work that week.

I still contend that my being at the bottom of the voting that week was not based on content but was based on strategy.

And that's FINE=== but I think some players were pretending that they weren't involved in strategizing at all, when their actions spoke louder than their words.

[bsgsix]

It became apparent that the writing wasn't making a whit of difference to the votes

I think it did in some cases and for some writers, but consistently? No. And when different people have different likes and dislikes, I'm curious how people were judging what was "best." (As a person who always ranked highly in the polls and was constantly called a threat - and then was sent DMs saying I was a terrible writer who should have been kicked out because I sucked, I felt like no one really "enjoyed" my writing, and that no one cared as long as they eventually kicked me out. That may sound paranoid, but you and I talked, and you KNOW the messages I was receiving.)

[bsgsix]

I haven't been feeling well recently, so, just a few brief comments here and there:

bsgsix ended up winning the first immunity, and it wasn't even close. It's funny, because looking back, I even used a picture of Shonee winning immunity. For those who don't follow Australian Survivor (pretty much all of you), Shonee was a player beloved by her tribemates who went on a *really* dangerous run of immunity wins late in the game that almost got her all the way to the end. For those paying attention to the pictures used over the course of the season, there were quite a few of those references thrown in. Much like Survivor editing, and producer questions throughout a filmed season, to help guide viewers through the unfolding narrative.

I remember you once using a picture of someone who looked like me, which I thought was on purpose, haha. Maybe it was that week? I don't recall. I don't know if I was ever beloved, but I did have a run of immunity wins - which 1)put a huge target on my already-targeted back and 2)I had hoped to maintain in order to keep my alliances going and perhaps, despite years of playing and years of falling ill every winter, getting to the final four. But I didn't get the Survivor references. I just thought you were choosing pics that looked like me, lol. Little did I know, but you're strategic, so I SHOULD have known.

Looking back, and knowing how bsgsix was actually part of the tightest alliance (the one that made it to the very end of this game) it's kind of funny to see how many times the "I don't watch the show" was mentioned. As if she wasn't smart enough, and competitive enough, to pick up on how to win. :D "Don't look at me! I'm just over here winning the immunities. I'm no threat!" :D :D :D

It was a tight alliance, and one I maintained except for during those weeks of illness. I did say, "I've never watched the show" quite often, and that was a true statement: I have watched precisely 1/4th of an episode. But I've never seen a full episode. :) But I didn't think I needed to know EVERYTHING about Survivor to be strategic; I had alliance members who could help me with Survivor terms, and the rest, I could piece together. And I am competitive, so having a strategy (such as an alliance I could trust) mattered a great deal in this style of game. I felt like a target, though, and thought I'd be voted out because of it, even with a very loyal alliance (because at some point, we'd have to vote for one another, as is what happened in the final 3). So yes, I had a good idea of what I was doing - I don't know who voted for me because I had no way of knowing, but I was always very touched when people did, because I didn't want to get ahead solely based on numbers; I worked hard and wanted my writing to speak for itself - but I was certain that, when it came down to it, the game would come first and I'd go out.

But I played strategically, wrote the best I could, and I knew certain people had my back to the end. Unfortunately, that end did arrive a lot sooner than I had hoped...

(More later. I'm going to bed. Weird for a night owl, but I just can't focus any longer.)

[gunwithoutmusic]

I wonder how differently the game would have played out for you if you had ended up on Luzon to begin with and not had someone like me to explain the more Survivor-y stuff during our little strategy meetings. :) Personally, I liked that you were still into strategy but didn't have that Survivor knowledge, because it helped me to sometimes see things that were going on in different ways. If we hadn't started working together, I don't know how well I would have handled strategizing just on my own!

[bsgsix]

I've wondered about that a few times as well. While I'm strategic for certain, I had zero knowledge of Survivor as a show, and it didn't translate onto the page for me (so I'm glad you helped me navigate that!). If I'd been on Luzon, maybe FlipFlop_Diva and I would have chatted about it, though? I'm not certain, mostly because it didn't happen, but I have wondered about that, too. :)

But working together actually *did* work for the reason you mentioned - I didn't have Survivor knowledge, but I had strategy, so my POV was useful to you. You had the Survivor Strategy (tm), which made your POV useful to me. And we just worked really well together from Day 1, so, no regrets there. I really DO miss our email threads! <3

[gunwithoutmusic]

IMO, and your mileage may vary on this, but the biggest problem was that she mentioned bsgsix as that target. Which got the attention of bsgsix's alliance. Who were the people most likely to see the usefulness of that goat strategy.

This was exactly the problem! I talked to lawchicky during this Tribal Council; I got what she was trying to do, and I wanted it to work for her. I wanted to get a group of Survivor fans to the top and she absolutely would have been a good goat or someone to work with. If she had wanted to go after anyone but bsgsix, I would have done whatever I could have to keep her around. But since I was already working with bsgsix at the time, there wasn't really much to be done - there's no way I could have convinced bsgsix to work with me to save this person that is coming for her hard!

I really would have liked to have seen lawchicky go further in the game and I would have been really interested to see how her gameplay changed when she got into a more advantageous position - maybe if I had approached her from the start instead of bsgsix, the whole game could have been completely different.

[bsgsix]

I don’t think I knew she was coming at me THAT hard for a while. Just that last week, when it was apparent in the comments.

I don’t regret you reaching out to me for the alliance - and I hope you don’t, either. I may not be a Survivor fan, but after all our talks, you know I’m a strategist. :)

[gunwithoutmusic]

I absolutely don't regret reaching out to you for the alliance! I think it's fun to think about how differently things might have played out if I had done things differently, but all in all I'd say that the strategy I played with worked out pretty well for me, and working with you was part of that. :)

[bsgsix]

I missed your other comment before I had replied to you, lol. That's what I get for reading DW on my phone, where I can't see ANYTHING except for my own post! ;)

But I'm glad you reached out right away, and that component made the game fun for me. There were TOO many times when it wasn't fun (and you know why), but our ability to work together was one of my absolute favorite parts. By our powers combined, lol... :)

[lawchicky819]

What was my downfall? Sean! I did not have any idea how closely he was working with BGSix.. and Sean was my closest confidant. I had been approached by flip_flop_diva, as a Survivor fan, and I really wanted to work with her and Sean as a Survivor fan alliance.. and I thought we might have a shot... but I didn't know Sean would -never- go along with the plan.

Gary mentioned that I set my sights on BGSix, and that is true. It wasn't personal, but she was a juggernaut. No one could touch her on immunity, and when I said if she made it to the end I would absolutely give her my vote, I meant that. I really liked Sean personally, but if he was going to ride her coattails to the end, it wasn't a strategy I would have voted for. I still think that particular strategy was poor and, actually, that Six's medivac was a good thing for his game when it happened.

Now I knew that nothing could be done if Six kept winning immunity, so at the merge, with the largest number of people needing to become more self-reliant, I thought this may be the only chance to foil her immunity. (Six, I'm really sorry if this comes off smarmy against you-- it was entirely game play at this point. I (and other players) were going nowhere if you kept winning immunity and the other top vote getters were voting out the person with the lowest votes). So this was the plan-- I had a feeling that Six tended to put up her entry, get a bunch of votes in the poll, but then only put out a call to her followers if she thought she needed help. As long as she had a few votes lead, she wouldn't feel the need to lobby for more. What I wanted, was to look at the poll going into the last day, see who was coming in second, and then have ALL the other contestants make a push for the second vote getter at the last possible second.. like 5 minutes before the poll ended. Was this sneaky-- yes.. but it fell short of what some others were doing which didn't feel fair to me (removing votes). This isn't something that would have worked later in the game. It had to be done when the most people were involved and when it would work to all of their advantage.

I REALLY tried to appeal to some of the middle vote getters, because as soon as I was gone, they were going to fall into that "low votes" territory and they'd also be gone. I wasn't wrong about this, though a couple of medivac/quits wound up getting these people further into the game.

Anyway, I couldn't get the players to commit. Everyone seemed set in that they had an alliance they felt comfortable enough in.. that they weren't really interested in playing strategy. So it all fell through. I knew I was in a lot of trouble because I really tried to scramble to find out how everyone else wanted to vote, but no one wanted to throw me names.. and I knew that's because it was me. I mean-- terrible Survivor play guys-- at least give me a fake name for where you're voting! There were some players who never talked to me at all.

It hurts that I went out on the entry I did and that it received so few votes.. but I think THAT was part of the strategy. If people wanted you gone, you would be a bottom vote getter and easy to pick off.

And yes- I came into the game itching to PLAY SURVIVOR. I am a huge fan of the game (more than I ever let on- but Gary knows). This came on the heels of an online Survivor based game I had played, and that was all strategy and relationships and backstabbing. This was like trying to strategize in quicksand. I didn't mind playing the villain a little bit, but if I had any idea what was to come by ways of medivacs, I would have played this so differently!

[bsgsix]

I guess I had no idea that Sean was your closest confidant - he didn't tell me, despite the fact we were in an alliance. I guess there was a lot people weren't telling me, and I don't know why, because I played an honest game and then went out in the literal worst way possible.

And for all the people who hoped I'd finally have a chance to not get sick, pull through, and make it to the final rounds... it seems like that isn't an accurate representation at ALL. It's a game, so yes, everyone wants to win. I just wanted to, for the first time since 2009, get through the game, at least to the Final Four. But you, as well as many others, made it clear that wouldn't happen. 12 years of playing and - I may have helped my alliance a great deal, but it's been made clear to me that no one thought I would "earn" a win.

And honestly? That sucks. This whole game was rife with misconceptions about me regarding DMs (including the nasty ones that just broke my heart), obtaining false votes (which I didn't do, and had I done that, Gary would have kicked me out - he knows the voters), and not writing well enough to win (that's just what people were telling me, which was insulting - especially when people were trying to be strategic. If the strategy was "break BSGSIX down so she doesn't want to play," it didn't work. My own body fights me more than that, ha). I don't know who voted for me, and the ONLY time I rallied for votes was during my first week on Luzon, as the solitary transfer from Asaga. I tried to ask people on Twitter. I earned two more votes - and still would have won that week without those two votes. I don't know most of the people who voted for me, so the fact that anyone (including you) thought I was purposefully seeking votes and then putting out a call to followers if I thought I needed help is really far from the truth. Like I said, I asked for help once. I mentioned Survivor on DW, yes, and voting for Agasa (and then Luzon, and once for myself when it was individual), but my only friends on DW are those in Idol (minus 3-4 people - some of whom didn't vote, or didn't read at all). So you're right - I didn't lobby for votes because I was usually in the lead and there was no one for me to lobby TO in the first place. But I never knew where those votes came from. I HOPE people related to my writing, thought it was well-crafted, and voted for me based on talent. If they did it to inflate my ego, only to crush me later? That's horrendous, especially since my past history has been "play strong... go out due to life-saving surgery;" "play strong... go out due to incurable cancer that needs treatment ASAP;" "play strong... go out in a coma state where I almost died and didn't even know it." I had hoped this would be my shot.

I did watch people remove votes for other players throughout the polls (it happened a lot, and it happened to almost all of us - myself included). I thought, frankly, that that was shitty. You said it didn't feel fair to you, and I agree. I don't even think it's all THAT strategic. Come up with a strategy that doesn't involve taking away votes, because taking away votes looks cowardly. Some of us were absolutely watching that. I was never a fan.

As for this:
Gary mentioned that I set my sights on BGSix, and that is true. It wasn't personal, but she was a juggernaut. No one could touch her on immunity, and when I said if she made it to the end I would absolutely give her my vote, I meant that. I really liked Sean personally, but if he was going to ride her coattails to the end, it wasn't a strategy I would have voted for. I still think that particular strategy was poor and, actually, that Six's medivac was a good thing for his game when it happened.

We spoke via DM, and you'd made it clear in your comments that you would give me your vote and I'd be gone. I knew. And I could tell that, for your own reasons, you wanted Sean to beat me. That's fine - it's a game, and I hold literally NO grudge. Sean is a fantastic writer and a Survivor fan. I suppose my downfall was lacking the latter part of that. Having a strategy wasn't enough to Survivor fans if it wasn't an exact Survivor strategy, and since I was told that to my face (lol, well, via DM) - it's not a shock to me.

But I don't think my medivac was a good thing for myriad reasons, and I don't think Sean sees it that way, either. There were so many kind messages when I came home and could focus/read again. If Sean really wanted me out of the way, he could have broken our alliance - and he never did. Instead, he was nothing but generous when I went out. Strategy didn't matter to about half of the remaining players that week because people thought I was dead. So... I guess I know what you're saying, but the way it's worded doesn't sit well with me. It's fine, and I'll obviously survive, but I don't think either Sean or I benefited from my going out. I had only hit the top - 9 or 10 at that point? Sean wasn't riding my coattails; I was protecting him, but I could only do so much, and once we hit the bottom 6 or so, people could have voted him out as easily as they could have voted me out (had I still been in, that is). I was only a "threat" to him because I had immunity, and at some point, that would have stopped. Even if I'd gone to the Final Three, I would have been picked off first. He would have been fine. He was a "fan favorite." For reasons unknown to me - though I wish I did know - I was not.

Knowing you and Sean were close confidants makes me think I never had a shot to win this, or even make it to the Final Four. I wish people had just been honest with me about all this. A lot of what you've said here makes me question a lot of things.

[clauderainsrm]

"Knowing you and Sean were close confidants makes me think I never had a shot to win this, or even make it to the Final Four. I wish people had just been honest with me about all this. A lot of what you've said here makes me question a lot of things."

Sean was her closest confident in the game. But from what he's said, you were his.

It's like how you could be MY best friend, but that doesn't mean I'm yours. :D

[bsgsix]

Maybe. Probably. I just feel like I should have known that since I never hid anything from anyone and was still absolutely crapped upon at every turn (as has been made clear by DMs and comments here, as well as people thinking I thought of myself as the biggest threat when I never once assumed as much about myself), but, too late now. Game is over, I had to drop, and I'd rather survive LIFE than survive online Survivor. :) (But you said as much in your newest post, so, you get it!)

[gunwithoutmusic]

I'll echo what Gary said - lawchicky and I were talking some strategy in the Tribal Council in which she was eliminated and in the one before that, but that was me basically reaching out for information and seeing if there was a possibility of working together with her.

As I said in my comment below, I think that maybe, in the grand scheme of things, your medevac was a good thing for my game, only because it forced me to solidify things with halfshellvenus and flipflop_diva, and the way we were handling talks (me and flipflop talking while you and halfshell talked while you and me talked) made the alliance a little less secure. That said, I told you that my mistake the last time I did this was turning my back on my alliance, and that I wasn't going to do that, and I never did.

The original plan was you, me, and impoetry (my day one) at the top three. The situation changed after B dropped but I was still hoping to get to the end with you. I don't know if you would have won, but I honestly was hoping to see you there. I got stuck in the middle a little bit, because you and lawchicky were butting up against each other, and I wish that had been different and I didn't have to make a choice there - if we could have gotten her into our alliance we would have been really strong and I recognized that. But just keep in mind that in the end, you were still around.

Editing to add: I didn't tell you about lawchicky and I talking because you were already iffy on her and I didn't want to scare you or make you get suspicious that I was trying to get you out - but I probably should have brought it up after the fact, and I'm sorry about that.

[bsgsix]

I guess I just feel - weird that I didn't know. We had always talked about honesty, so if you had wanted to ask lawchicky to join us, especially after B dropped so quickly, we could have discussed it.

And I personally don't think our alliance (the fact you reached out to FlipFlop_Diva and the fact I reached out to HalfShellVenus) felt less secure. All of you made it to the Final 3, but we know the target was on my back and I may not have made it with any of you. You didn't turn your back on me - no. Of course you didn't. But there was clearly a lot I didn't know (including how much you wanted to work with lawchicky), and it seems like you regret not asking her. I'm sorry you feel that way.

I'm not mad at anyone. I'm just - I don't know. Tired of learning so much after the fact. I feel like very few people wanted me in this game, were eager to kick me out, maybe didn't want to work with me, and thought I was doing something wrong. It's just tiring when you play an honest game and write pieces you think are good, only to hear people cared more about voting you out.

[lawchicky819]

This is where I think I'M looking at it from a Survivor fan standpoint and maybe not making it clear for you. I didn't want Sean to win over you. I knew that your path to the end (should you make it) would be the type of game I would have to vote to win. When you're a target and could still make it to final tribal council, that's a lot more impressive.

Why do I think your medivac benefitted Sean? It allowed him to make other alliances that were both less obvious and more beneficial to him in the long run of the game. Sometimes, in Survivor, the best thing that can happen is that you lose your closest ally, and that makes you a smaller target. People always want to go after pairs, and as people were eliminated, it would have been a lot more obvious you were working as a pair.

At the end of the day, Sean did trust your alliance with him more- he chose you over my plans, so I don't think you have any reason to be upset about that.

[bsgsix]

No, I understand what's going on. Sorry if I didn't word something correctly. I think I'm just tired of rehashing a lot of past stuff that doesn't seem to matter any longer, and I wish people had viewed me as an honest player and a good writer - not some terrible threat who somehow got the most poll votes for immunity (that, according to some DMs, I didn't deserve). I'm not upset with anyone, to be fully honest. I'm just tired of hearing over and over again how good it was for me to finally leave, and how everyone was going to make sure I didn't make it to the end.

[gunwithoutmusic]

I will say that I did want to work with you. I'm pretty sure I told you that I'd like to see Survivor fans at the top (meaning specifically you, me, and flipflop), and that was absolutely true. But I was stuck between a rock and a hard place when I knew that you were going for bsgsix.

And I totally get your reasons for going for her and for telling me that you'd give her your Jury vote if she made it to the end. If I hadn't already been in an alliance with her, I probably would have been thinking the same thing. But, as it was, I couldn't very well switch gears at that point, especially when only a handful of people were willing to talk strategy, and I was the one that had to do all of the reaching out. People weren't approaching me to talk strategy, so I had to go out and do the work and pick who I picked and stick with it.

I played in a Survivor-style online competition before this, years and years ago, and my downfall in that competition was not trusting in my alliance and going behind the back of one of my alliance members to try and get them out. They caught wind of it and got me eliminated instead. So I came into this determined to get a Day One with a few people and to never turn my back on them.

To be clear, that was my strategy for the course of the game: form an alliance and stay true to it. It was not my plan to ride anyone's coattails to the end; my sights were set for top three from the start of the game and absolutely nothing would have stopped me from getting there, regardless of who was with me or not. I will agree that bsgsix's medevac was probably a good thing for my game in the end, because I was concerned about whether or not I could beat her in the end, but my ultimate strategy was "get my group together and don't betray them," so I couldn't in good conscience go after bsgsix. If you had wanted literally anyone else gone, I would have done whatever I possibly could have to keep you in because you would have been a good alliance partner and you would have put up an amazing fight in the Final Tribal Council.

I regret not being more forthcoming with you regarding who I was already allied with and what they were talking about, but Jury Management was always on my mind, and considering that the Jury was still able to throw a wrench in things (because there's nothing stopping Jury members from talking to each other or to current players in DMs), I wasn't willing to take the risk that my alliances would be outed. I don't really think that you would do that, because I felt like you were taking the game seriously and that, as a Survivor fan, you'd be reasonable about what information you shared to other people, but I hope you understand my reasoning on that, as well.

[lawchicky819]

For me, I think it was hard because you never let on how close you were with Six. You never said- maybe we should focus on this other big target. You kind of let me spin out on my own. It's a game. Seriously NO hard feelings.

The reason I never would have used your strategy was only because if Six made it to the end, it would have been so impressive that you'd HAVE to vote for her. The "well we worked together the whole time" line at Tribal Council doesn't win points for one person over another- that makes your strategy even. The fact that she had a GIANT target and still was sitting far into the game would have meant she did something extra.

Don't get me wrong- I rooted for you in those final weeks. I felt like we were building somewhat of an actual friendship and that didn't change because I lost the game.

[gunwithoutmusic]

Yeah, I was just thinking about that, actually - how I could have tried to go after someone different or something like that, and I thought about that at the time, too, but that felt like it would be outing my alliance with her. After all, if I wasn't working with her, it would be the smart move to try and take her out, so why on Earth would I be trying to point you in another direction unless I was working with her?

I think in retrospect, it probably would have been a better idea to out my alliance with her to you and to try and bring you in, but I believed that bsgsix wouldn't be up for that (I don't know for sure that she wouldn't have, but that's the impression I had). You would have been really helpful for misdirecting and moving the target away from me personally. :)

But don't get me wrong; if I had been in that Final Tribal Council, my answer to your question would have been, "Hands down you were the biggest threat that I needed to remove."

I saw the benefit of working with you but there was no way I would have let you get to Final Tribal; I think you would have stood a real chance of just wiping the floor with the competition in the Q&A.

My strategy was my strategy - I formed an alliance with bsgsix before the game had even really gotten underway, and there was no way I was going to go back on my principles and the goal that I had set for myself. I do think there's a possibility that bsgsix could have won the whole thing, if she had managed to continue winning individual immunity challenges, but I also think there would have been something to have been said for my role in the game had I gotten to Final Tribal with her. I was constantly working on things to say in that Q&A to make very clear how much of a role I think I played in the ultimate "story" of this game. So I might have done okay against her, who knows? The Jury could easily have looked at me and said, "He didn't win a single individual immunity challenge and yet he's right up here at the end," and been more impressed by that.

I am glad there's no hard feelings, because I definitely wasn't trying to get you out; I thought about trying to do something to keep you around but I was very tunnel-vision on "what's best for my game right this second; as long as it ain't me," that I couldn't really see a lot of options that didn't involve me outing my alliance, and I was very hesitant about bringing too many people directly into "the know." For all I knew, if I had let you know about bsgsix, you might have then decided you needed to get rid of her protection first!

[bsgsix]

I think in retrospect, it probably would have been a better idea to out my alliance with her to you and to try and bring you in, but I believed that bsgsix wouldn't be up for that (I don't know for sure that she wouldn't have, but that's the impression I had). You would have been really helpful for misdirecting and moving the target away from me personally.

I'm glad you didn't do that; that would have felt like a betrayal. You and I had discussed that our alliance should stay hidden (even when we worked with B, and then with HSV and FF_D). It's nothing against Lawchicky that I wouldn't want you to out our alliance - it just would have been hurtful if you had. You told me you wanted me - you reached out to me personally - as an alliance partner, and we respected one another's writing. We respected our strategy. I'm sorry I was a target, but you know that I had nothing to do with that. A certain member acted like an ass and made me a target, and then, I won several immunity challenges - which I hoped were based on my ability to write AND play the game - so from week 2-3 on, I was always going to be a target.

So I guess my medivac was beneficial - to everyone except myself, of course, since I really wanted to see this through to SOMEWHERE close to the end (after 12 years of playing and then getting too ill to continue). No one would have allowed me to make it to the end, though, so perhaps my medivac was exactly what needed to happen to reveal the true motives of the remaining players, as well as the Jury members.

[gunwithoutmusic]

As far as you being a target, you're spot on. Of course I know you didn't have anything to do with that, and there was no possible way for me to know that you would have ended up with one when we formed our alliance. And honestly, it didn't matter to me that you did end up with a target on you, because I was enjoying working with you and it was actually more fun from a gameplay perspective (although absolutely not from a personal perspective) - it gave us something to actually do and work for, and it made the idea of getting to the end together much more real and exciting.

I don't think you should be taking away from these reunion posts that nobody wanted you around; I've always gotten the impression that it was quite the opposite. From a gameplay perspective, you were a juggernaut and I was mighty thankful I was on your side. But from a personal and a writing perspective, everyone here loves you. You unfortunately missed what was going on around here and with the alliance when you were medevaced (for obvious reasons), but no one was happy about it at all. You have a bigger support network here then you give yourself credit for. When I talk about your medevac being positive for my game personally, that's just me doing my "look in the bright side" thing. Losing a core member of my alliance was scary and I was really worried that I wouldn't reach my goal of top three. We pulled together and did it because of you - your medevac helped us find some common ground and kept us from getting complacent. So, yeah, it was a bad thing but there was some good that came from it, but that good wasn't "she's out of the game," it was in spite of it.

As far as not telling you about my talks with lawchicky, I am sorry and I hope you know that's sincere. In my mind, I was reaching out for information and decided that ultimately that wasn't the right direction to go. You have to remember all that was before your medevac, so I still was in the mindset that we were going to the end together, and I didn't want you to worry about me turning my back on you, so I didn't think it was worth bringing up. But you're right in that I should have said something and trusted you would still be on my side, because I know you would have. :)

And for the record, if we could do this over again without your medevac, I would have taken you to the end every single time. That was never not the plan. I planned on what I might say to try and win against you in the end, but I never for a second thought you wouldn't be at the end with me.

[bsgsix]

The "being a target" thing was something that worried me for you, Karen, and Kristine. So if someone had to be taken out - it should have been me, to be fair. I didn't want to go - I really wanted to see the Final 3 or 4 - but with that target on my back since I was set up during week 2 (or 3 - I don't remember which week, but you know what I mean), it was inevitable!

I really enjoyed working with you, love. No regrets about it, and no doubt about it.

Maybe I missed some conversation about what was going down when I was in the ICU. The problem is, well - seeing the conversations here and in the other thread make me wonder if people really DID want me around. And I understand if they don't; it's a game, and it's over, so I'm over it. There are just some comments that seem unnecessarily mean, and I'm - tired of repeating the same things over and over. But I did miss everything the minute I was taken to the ICU and almost died, so... I don't doubt that the people here are good (minus the obvious person, but, you know). I'd love to write with everyone again! But all of this talk now just feels - strange, and doesn't sit well with me. Maybe I was TOO honest, and that's not how to play Survivor. I was played Strategist, not Survivor, and that's on me.

I know you're being sincere - it's over, so, please don't apologize. We're friends in real life, far beyond this silly game. I wouldn't want that to change. It's all good. But I never worried about you turning your back on me, for the record, and no matter what, I would have *always* been on your side. Even at the beginning, I said that if both of us ended up in the top 2, I would feel normal disappointment if I lost, but I wouldn't be sad: I always believed in you. That certainly hasn't changed. We're good. I promise. <3