Work Room - Week 24

[clauderainsrm.livejournal.com]

What can you bring to a story that no one else can?

Because that's the question, isn't it? Sure, you can say "It's entertaining" - but if you are telling the exact same story that anyone could walk pass and write, why are you bothering? It's not just with fiction either - "story" here is any narrative form. What is it that you are bringing to the table?

I've seen more "I don't know"s over the years than I personally feel comfortable with. It's your writing. Kick the tires. Look under the hood. See where the magic pixies go in and out of the tubes that keeps that engine running.

Looking back, one of the saddest moments in my life was realizing that I could no longer answer the fundamental questions of - why am I writining? What can I do that isn't a reflection of someone better, but actually morphs the work into something uniquely me? Why am I passionate about writing?

Those things are important, fundamentally important to your existence as a writer. You lose them, you lose your sense of self. Or, maybe that was just me...

I know there are plenty of people who "just write for fun" or have only vaguely entertained the idea of calling themselves a writer. Maybe they don't even talk much about it in their real lives, because they have gotten the impression that it's a hobby or just something to kill the time.

I have a secret for you though. If you didn't take it at least somewhat seriously, if you weren't a little bit in love with the words that come out from your fingertips as they slide across the keyboard, you wouldn't be here right now. You most definitely wouldn't be in Week 24 and prepared to go as long as you can in this crazy thing we call Idol. intr

For all of the worry and concern that you might not be good enough - you are here. For all of the needing encouragement, you believe enough in yourself to hope that others see it as well.

Hopefully, at some point, you'll realize that and figure out what about all of this invigorates you and makes you so passionate about sharing your work with others, and what you are hoping they take away from that experience.

(and yes, a lot of this has to do with my own thought process following a conversation with an old friend, and thinking about how passionate I used to be about writing and about how to get that back... but never you mind that, we're talking about you here! ;P )

Comments

[n3m3sis42.livejournal.com]

DANGIT. I've been wanting to write a post for a while about why I've never considered myself a writer - and how my thoughts on that have been changing recently. I saw this topic and thought this might be the week. But I think Gary just stole my thunder. :)


Now I need a new idea!

[alien-infinity.livejournal.com]

Random idea that you should feel free to disregard: some kind of historical fiction about people on a ship because, uh, ships have wheelhouses?

[n3m3sis42.livejournal.com]

Ooh! I was just thinking the other day that I want to do historical fiction again soon.

[tigrkittn.livejournal.com]

I don't consider myself a writer, and what Gary said didn't change that one whit.

[n3m3sis42.livejournal.com]

It didn't change it for me, either. It just made me feel uncomfortable using that as my post this week because now its been done already.

[tigrkittn.livejournal.com]

ROFL. Maybe that was his evil plan all along...

[clauderainsrm.livejournal.com]

At some point I really need to make a "tigrkittn is great" post, just to see how quickly you will disagree with it. ;P

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

LOL!!!

[tigrkittn.livejournal.com]

AHA! That's my wheelhouse! Realism.

[ecosopher.livejournal.com]

I remember listening to a guy on the radio tlaking about music and writing (he wrote about music, and played an instrument) and he said to the interviewer 'When I listen to [the musician they were talking about at the time], I feel almost sad, because I know, however much I practise, I am never going to be that good. But I don't feel like that about my writing. My writing is mine, you know?'

Obviously I'm paraphrasing, but that's stuck with me. I play music too, and I am never going to be 'that good'. When I was in my final years at school I practised up to three hours a day and I was pretty good, but not OMG PRODIGY AWESOME GREAT, you know?

Sometimes I've felt, when reading others' writing, a little sad because I'm never going to be 'that good'. But more recently, I'm OK with it. Some of what I do, I do really well. I can look over a piece I've written and think, damn, that is fine. I wrote that, and it still gives me a thrill, or makes me want to cry, or makes me melancholy.

That's not to say I don't still feel humble and in awe of what others write. I do, all the time. And wish I could do what they do. But I'm better now at realising that that's what they do, not what I do. And maybe what I do is pretty good. Sometimes it's even omg prodigy awesome.

Sometimes.

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I've felt, when reading others' writing, a little sad because I'm never going to be 'that good'.

This. I can so relate to this. I wish I could come to a place where I can look at my writing a bit better and stop comparing myself to others. I am getting better, but I know exactly how hard it is.

[alien-infinity.livejournal.com]

I can relate, too! I am SO bad at comparing myself to others and coming up short. When people tell me I CAN write, I discount it. It's really not healthy. :/

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

I know, and it's not healthy for either of us. It's something we both need to work on!

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

You guys are fabulous, imo. That is all. <3

[alien-infinity.livejournal.com]

When you say "you guys," to whom are you referring? Pardon me, I am a little confuzzled.

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

Pixie, you, and ecosopher--the members of this particular thread. :) <3

[sweeny-todd.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I've felt, when reading others' writing, a little sad because I'm never going to be 'that good'.

*nodnod*

but I am also starting to see it not so much in terms of "not good" but different!

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

"I can look over a piece I've written and think, damn, that is fine. I wrote that, and it still gives me a thrill, or makes me want to cry, or makes me melancholy." That's where I'm at, too.

If you're not bogged down with babyness this weekend, wanna be beta partners?

For the record, I think you're a pretty gosh-darn awesome writer, and I'd read your stuff all day long if you wrote enough for me to read. :-D

<3

[ecosopher.livejournal.com]

Aw, you're sweet :D I think you're pretty amazing yourself, too!

I'd love to be beta partners. I'm hashing out some stuff this afternoon but probably won't get ahold of anything until at least Sunday morning (Sat evening your time). And no doubt there'll be a lot of babyness but I can usually neglect them long enough to do some reading :) So send something whenever you're ready!

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* Yaaaaaaaay.

Saturday evening-ish my time sounds fabulous. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I have something by then. :)

Will respond to your other lovely messages soon, but I'm a little overloaded at the moment. <3

[ecosopher.livejournal.com]

Oh, take your time with the other messages!

I've had a bit of a disagreement with my idea so am now searching for another... whether I'll have anything by tomorrow/today remains to be seen :) At the very least I should have something to discuss with you which might help somewhat.

[n3m3sis42.livejournal.com]

I struggle with comparing too much, too. I've gotten better about it, but at the beginning I was so overwhelmed by all the talent here that it was hard to see my own at all. I don't kow what all my strengths as a writer are, but persistence is definitely one of them. :)

[karmasoup.livejournal.com]

In the end, persistence may be one of the most valuable strengths of all. Without it, you'd never know how good you could be.

[medleymisty.livejournal.com]

Gonna quote some of an old LJ post that I wrote when I was dealing with feeling like that:

Every now and then I run up against another wordsmith, another person who plays the keyboard and produces golden tones. More golden than mine. Better than mine. And so I think - what is the point? What is the point when John and I went out to eat and get groceries and I came home to find that I'd only gotten four clicks that entire time? What is the point when nothing is ever good enough and I can never measure up?

But then there comes another voice, the voice I am trying to listen to. I tell the insecurity, the self-hatred, the not good enough to shut up, be quiet. I want to hear this.

This voice says that there is no better and there is no worse. There is only different. Different genes, different backgrounds, different brains. And thus different words, with different tones and different images and different vowel sounds. And different is beautiful.

If someone else can make the keyboard sing, that does not mean that there is less music for me. There is infinite music, a boundless endless ocean of music there for anyone to pull from, to mold into shapes, to share. And it is the sharing that matters, the sharing of all the different notes and songs and symphonies. If someone else has something good to share that can only make us all stronger. There is other beauty in the world. This does not devalue the beauty I create. It only means that I have more beauty to enjoy, more to learn and see and experience and feel. And that cannot be anything but a good.

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

I agree with your last two paragraphs. Also, what a beautiful way to describe it. :)

[mstrobel.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I've felt, when reading others' writing, a little sad because I'm never going to be 'that good'.

I've been getting so much better with that lately. I remember last season, sometimes I'd want to cry because someone would write something so amazing and I'd just feel like a little kid playing dress-ups and trying to fit in with the big kids or something. But now, I think I'm more blase about it all or something. I still think OMFG THAT WAS SO AMAZING when I read an awesome entry, but I no longer seem to follow that with a mope about how I wish I'd written it. I think I feel pretty good, at last.

[sweeny-todd.livejournal.com]

I bring quirkiness, light heartedness, a certain something that it totally outside the square, fun, joy, and a bit of beauty.

yeah, that's right! I said it ^_^

(and I do love the writing, even if I am not in week 24...)

For me, this sort of writing is that step away from my job - dry, scientific writing, with data and references to back it all up. For me, fiction is breaking free into places that I never knew existed, but that I want to know more about!

[copyright1983.livejournal.com]

It's funny, as I was waiting for the topic, I thought to myself, "You know, I've had to work really hard to come up with ideas for the last few weeks. It's high time I got a topic that was right in my wheelhouse." Gary, you really are a mind-reader. :)

When this topic of "what do you bring to the table" came up a few weeks ago, the answer I got was along the lines of "whimsical and unique style." I've been trying to go with that the last few weeks--and look where it's gotten me. (That is to say, sweating out the final few minutes of the poll!)

Obviously, the whimsy and uniqueness is always *there*, even on the weeks where I tackle more serious topics. But I get the feeling that there's something else, something that makes some of my pieces really work and, when it's not there, makes them fall flat. I have no idea what it is, and I don't know whether a piece has it or not until the poll closes.

So, dear readers, I ask you: What's the missing link? What is the difference between my good pieces and my not-as-good ones?

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

I sent you an answer in your LJ. :)

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I can answer this because I've often found that my favorite pieces by a particular writer may not always be the ones that do well in the polls. What I like about your entries tend to be the uniqueness and your voice, I especially like when you go humorous. I always love a fun, goofy story. But that doesn't always do as well in the polls.

I've often said that many of my favorite writers this season, and my favorite styles, are getting a bit overlooked. I've enjoyed your writing a lot this season and find that I think some entries do deserve to do better than they do. It's complex in Idol though....

I'm always happy to provide a beta read though if you ever have specific questions on how to make things work. Or just my opinions on what can make a specific piece better. They are just opinions though and I'm no expert, just another reader and all. But I am a reader who has enjoyed reading your entries this season and I'm willing to offer feedback if you'd like it.

[copyright1983.livejournal.com]

I've noticed some people saying that--in past seasons, there have been ideas floating around about what sorts of entries do well and what don't. I think the "fiction does poorly" trope is pretty much shot to pieces, but the "poetry does poorly" is still around, and "comedy does poorly" is too, I guess.

I might take you up on that beta offer...assuming I can get a coherent idea together. Thanks for the feedback.

[kathrynrose.livejournal.com]

There used to be much less fiction than there is now. I stepped away for a few seasons, and I'd say while I was gone many more fiction people joined than non-fiction. I actually think now the pendulum has swung and the non-fiction people are at the disadvantage.

I think poetry does poorly because it's harder than people think to do poetry really well.

I've not noticed a comedy bias.

[copyright1983.livejournal.com]

I think it's more of a "serious/emotional entries do better" bias than an "funny doesn't do well" bias. Though there's been a bit of backlash against tearjerkers in the past as well. (And I'm sure there's been a backlash to the backlash...)

[kathrynrose.livejournal.com]

I think the tearjerker backlash happens when the emotion is overdone or doesn't feel authentic. As far as them getting more support than lighter entries, that's probably human nature. Look at the Oscars. Best actor almost never goes to someone in a comedy role. Best picture is almost never a comedy.

[n3m3sis42.livejournal.com]

I don't know but I can tell you that out of all your entries this season, the one I remember most was the one about your Scrabble nemesis. That one just stuck with me.

[copyright1983.livejournal.com]

Given your username, I'm not entirely surprised. :) I guess the question I'm asking is, what aspects of that piece made it memorable? What qualities do I need to take from that and apply to other entries?

[n3m3sis42.livejournal.com]

OMG, it is so hard for me to type that word without adding extraneous 3's now. :D

I wish I knew. Part of it was the self-deprecating (without being too self-deprecating) humor. It was also very relatable.

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

I think I like your entries better when they're relatable or inclusive. Sometimes I just don't know what you're talking about; and I want to like it, but I'm so confused.

[copyright1983.livejournal.com]

Can you point to specific examples? (Feel free to do so here (http://copyright1983.livejournal.com/36886.html) if you'd like.)

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

Um, the baseball player with the straw topic is the most recent one I can think of. There were two or three of us who asked you who it was, weren't there?

(That was particularly annoying, because Google didn't offer a consistent answer either, and I don't know enough about baseball history to have figured out any of your clues. I think if you had put the answer in the entry, even if it was like right at the bottom or something, it would have been better. As it was, that entry left me with a sense of frustration and confusion.)

[copyright1983.livejournal.com]

Fair enough; I'll freely admit to miscalculating on that one.

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[beldar.livejournal.com]

What I "bring to the table" (in beldarzfixon) is my perspective. That is the one thing I am sure no one else can bring. When I get a topic, in percolates in my brain-meats and *ding!* an idea forms. I then look at that idea through the prism of my own experiences, feelings, knowledge and wacky opinions, and try to hammer it out as honestly as I can say it in 1000 words (give or take).

I don't worry so much about how others do it and if I'll end up too much like someone else or think "oh, s/he already covered that" Consider that when a prompt is given, we are all approaching the same elephant in the dark. If I reach out and grab the tail and say "the elephant is like a rope" then I will write as well as I can about the wonders or tragedy of that rope. While others have grabbed the trunk and are writing about how an elephant is like a snake, or grabbed the leg and wrote how the elephant is like a tree, I know that others have grabbed the tail as well. But that person has his/her own thoughts about ropes and will write an entry reflecting that.

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

I heart your perspective. I think you bring a whole heckuva lot to this contest and to LJ in general. <3

[alien-infinity.livejournal.com]

I don't consider myself a writer, because it feels wrong to take on a title I don't think I deserve. It's not even about "just writing for fun" for me, I simply don't feel comfortable calling myself a writer. It's hard to explain, but I don't think I'm good enough or polished enough or professional enough or pick-your-adjective enough. I want to think of writing as more than a hobby, but I'm afraid to say it's more because...I'll jinx myself or something.

What can I bring that's uniquely me? I think I have a specific sense of humor that's hard to emulate, maybe? And I'm good at dialog (or so I've been told), and I'm just very me-ish. That last one is yet another hard-to-explain thing, but nobody else has quite my personality. I don't necessarily LIKE my personality, but nobody else has it and thus nobody else can use it like I can in writing. Nobody else has my perspective and thus nobody else can do quite what I can. Lest I sound insufferably arrogant, I have AWFUL self-esteem and don't necessarily think my me-ness is that awesome or anything.

By the way, I preferred the physics topic to this week's topic, and I'm TERRIBLE at physics!

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

You are also very good with your details. It's something I struggle with personally. I want to have those little details in the setting like you have. It makes your pieces feel so real, and it's something I envy about you.

And yes, your personality shines through so much of what you write! It's awesome! It really is fun to read your stories.

[alien-infinity.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I worry I have too much personality in my writing, meaning the story and characters just sound like "me" and aren't believable because the "me-ness" is too strong. This is a ridiculous and silly worry, but that doesn't stop my wonky brain!

It's funny you say I'm good at details, because I've always felt that was an area of major struggle for me. I have had to concentrate to get details into my work sometimes.

Also, what kind of story would you like to see from me this week? I am SO drawing a blank on this topic, so some potential direction would be appreciated. :)

[alien-infinity.livejournal.com]

The Emmeline stories are where I borrow(ed) most heavily from real life. In fact, it was scary as hell doing other fiction because I couldn't "steal" from real life as easily. It was fun to explore less "real world" fictional universes, though. I'm not sure whether to go back to the Emmeline universe or try out some more speculative-type futuristic or fantasy fiction. Do you have any preference? Sorry to bug you, I am just SO stuck on this topic. Like I said, the one about freaking physics was easier when I'm awful at physics!

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about having to much of you in your writing. For one, that happens to all of us. My fairy tales are almost always written from something that's making me insecure in RL. Sometimes I don't even know it until after the fact.

My dialogue comes from real life dialogue at times too.

It's part of writing. And if you struggle with details, I can't tell. I really can't. I see that as a strong part of your writing, so see? Already you're improving on things you may have struggled with in the past.

My brain is seriously fuzzy right now and I feel really sick, but let me think more about what the topic means and get back to you. I'd obviously love to see you write more of what you love to do, and to keep stretching yourself.

[alien-infinity.livejournal.com]

If my ability to do details has improved, maybe that means one day I'll be able to develop intricate plots with no apparent trouble! I suppose I've kind of already done that, a tiny bit, with my previous week's story because it had "twists and turns" and I did NOT think I could even do "twists and turns."

I'm still kind of amazed you think details are a strength of mine.

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

Writing is a skill you can improve on over time. I've seen particular elements I've liked from other writers and I've worked on those things. For instance with this week, I asked for Java's step by step help with providing details. It's something I know I need to work on and it's something I make every effort to do. So yes, you can improve your intricate plots and anything else you want to work on. You're a good writer, you have the ability to write in a way that feels real and natural. You have a natural talent there, you just let fear get in the way. I've been where you are... I'm still sort of there... But trust me, you do have talent. Now it's just practicing and polishing up your ability to add in other elements like complex plots, more details (though I think you are great there, I remember the details from our intersection where you described the cafe and the food so well, I could see it!)

You will constantly surprise yourself at what you can do if you try. I didn't think I could write sci-fi until this season. I didn't think I could write fantasy until last season. And guess what? I didn't think I could write fiction at all until Season 6. But by trying it out and experimenting, you learn so much. I know you can do so much, you are naturally talented, you just let insecurities get in the way. I get that, I'm a lot like that too.

[notodette.livejournal.com]

I have the distinct ability to make people roll their eyes. So, in a tiny, physical way, I'm moving them, too!

[karmasoup.livejournal.com]

*LIKE*

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

AMEN! <3

[yachiru]

I'm still trying to figure out what I'm good at. I know what I like. I know what stirs me. But am I good at that? Eh. This week I think I'll take one of my favorite genres and one of my favorite characters and see what happens.

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

You write very vivid characters in a variety of settings. As different as the stories are, you really immerse the reader in them, right from the beginning.

That's a wonderful talent!

[mstrobel.livejournal.com]

I have got to say your "Safety in Numbers" entry from last season is absolutely one of my overall game favourites. You're excellent at making my eyes bug out and my jaw drop.

[kathrynrose.livejournal.com]

Wow, I love this topic. I guarantee I have a story for it that no one else has. Maybe we'll get a home game thread this week.

As far as the writerly stuff goes... I love words. I love words so f'ing much. I have from time to time glimpsed the idea that I'm a writer. But honestly, even when people say, "No, seriously, you can write." and even when I respect those people's opinions, I still don't feel right calling myself a writer.

[sweeny-todd.livejournal.com]

yeah! I am planning on home gaming it as well!

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

I guess my struggle is that I have never really felt like I was good at anything, never had the recognition others have had or had anyone really praise me on a talent. Though as my therapist says, most people will never give you the validation you need, you need to find that within yourself. That's not always so easy though.

Most of my life, I have strived to have a talent. I used to ask my ex "What am I good at?" and he couldn't tell me one thing. Most of my childhood, I sucked at sports, couldn't draw a straight line with a ruler and no matter how hard I tried, I usually didn't do too well with activities. I grew up never knowing what I was good at and felt a bit lost. If people asked me my hobbies, I'd draw a blank.

Then Idol came along and I decided to try and write, though I had no classes or anything behind my belt... and I sometimes feel like I may be good. But then I see others and realize I have a long way to go and hate the fact that I can't take classes, can't do more to improve and be like them. And it's a struggle sometimes. But I keep fighting because the only way I can get better is to keep working at it. Before, I might give up simply because it was too hard... But now I realize I might be on to something here, something I love and want to do well.

So no, it's not always easy. I fight with myself a lot, I just don't talk about it openly. I struggle, as I believe many people here struggle. I think the main reason most of us stick it out is because we are determined to get better... And we know the only way to get better is to keep practicing day in and day out and we have that hope that maybe one day we could be good. Even if we are good now, we still yearn to be better and there is that dream that maybe we could get that recognition that tells us, "You are awesome" because I do think many people need validation. Not everyone, but a lot of people do need it time to time. The drive to keep getting better is what keeps me in Idol.

And along the way, it's helping me become more confident and see my own strengths. For someone who came into Idol without any writing experience, I think I've done well for myself.

My goal this season was more along the lines of helping others feel good about themselves. Maybe making a few newbie friends that I believed in and helping them grow as a writer while not worrying so much about my own standing. Though getting beta readers and feedback has made this my happiest Idol season to date. I like almost all of my entries, which is a first considering I used to hate everything I wrote.

I'm still a bit loopy from the pain meds, so I hope this makes sense. And I am always willing to work with anyone to help find their strengths, offer a beta read (I am finding I love content editing, so never feel bad for asking), etc.

[notodette.livejournal.com]

I try to have this guy live inside of me.

[jacq22.livejournal.com]

Fantastic.

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

That was cute! I would love to be more like that :)

[n3m3sis42.livejournal.com]

THAT WAS AMAZING AND IM GOING TO POST IT EVERYWHERE.

[notodette.livejournal.com]

It's pretty much my favorite internet thing ever.

[n3m3sis42.livejournal.com]

I love TJ Thyne anyway, but seriously that was so awesome. :D

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

That was so sweet!

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

You're one of my very very very favorite writers. If I had one wish granted by you, it'd be that you'd write more out of a belief in your genuine talent. :)

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

Thank you <3

I'm one insecure person, that's for sure. I seek constant validation and that's just not healthy. Thank you so much :)

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

I have found I love dialogue a lot too. I love showing a story through action and dialogue rather than telling it. It's one of my favorite aspects of writing :)

[ellakite.livejournal.com]

<TRAVIS_BICKLE_VOICE>
You talkin' to me?

You talkin' to me?

You talkin' to me?
</TRAVIS_BICKLE_VOICE>


OK. Let me back up a bit.

I don't know if Gary was *SPECIFICALLY* sharing this because of some posts I've made. Even if he was, it could be that Gary's message is also directed to several other people as well. I don't want to make any assumptions.

But the simple fact is that certain things Gary said resonated with me *VERY* strongly. Especially this bit:

For all of the worry and concern that you might not be good enough - you are here. For all of the needing encouragement, you believe enough in yourself to hope that others see it as well.

Hopefully, at some point, you'll realize that and figure out what about all of this invigorates you and makes you so passionate about sharing your work with others, and what you are hoping they take away from that experience.


I'm being as honest as possible here: when I started participating last year, I did it as an act of desperation. I could feel I was sliding into a depressive funk, and thought that by writing about my issues in the form of fiction would help get the worst of it out of my system. Plus the format of the competition would force me to write *SOMETHING* at least once a week. I got involved in LJI as a form of therapy, with my shrink's support. And that's all I thought it was going to be.

But you see... the whole reason *WHY* I was seeing a shrink was due to my having almost no self-esteem to speak of. Hell, there were times when I absolutely *LOATHED* myself. As I've said repeatedly in a recent post in my own blog: I saw my flaws, not my talent.

It is only very, *VERY* recently that I've finally admitted to myself: I've got talent. As Gary says, I could not have lasted this long in LJI if I didn't.

I'm still not sure I can say exactly what it is I bring to LJI, because I'm still in the process of accepting my own talent. But I know I must bring *SOMETHING*, because I get so many compliments from so many competitors.

I can't tell you exactly what it is that keeps me in the game, keeps me going... but I am actively trying to figure that out. Consider me a work in progress.

I may not be able to define my talent, and I probably will regularly ask for feedback from other folks to help me figure out how to hone my talent further... but I'll stop saying that I don't have any. You have my promise on that.

PS: Thank you *ALL* for your kind words and support.

You do have talent!

[jacq22.livejournal.com]

I so believe in writing as therapy, the filled note books of my life and the angst in them...well they are cheaper than a therapist. If ever I want to see what was wrong in my life and how I got over it, out come the books!

Glad you have at last realised you are worthy and you are talented. Keep writing. You are brilliant.

Re: You do have talent!

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

What jacq22 said. <3

[rattsu.livejournal.com]

Heh, you are where I was in season six. I started much for the same reasons too.

The thing is, the hardest thing in the world is to start realizing that what you are saying has worth, not just how you say it. But you know what? The only way to figure it out is to move forward, which you are doing.

And I think that's awesome.

[ellakite.livejournal.com]

I meant to respond sooner. Thank you so much for your kind words of support.

[cosmolinguist]

I think Gary could have written this as a horoscope in the newspaper and had tons of people saying "My god, he's writing about me!" Which is not to say that he couldn't have been thinking about your posts, or that it isn't useful to you to feel that this resonates with you...but I think a lot of writers (and people who worry about calling themselves writers, and wannabes, and lovers of words, and writing-workshop attendees, and people who buy books about writing that they don't read) will identify with what he says here. I have seen many people over the years struggling to put words around the thoughts that have been echoed by some of the greatest people in history: "Am I any good?"

[karmasoup.livejournal.com]

Ssssshhhh!!! That's supposed to be a SECRET! It wasn't supposed to get out that GARY is the one who writes all those horoscopes!

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

But -- but -- I thought he was writing all the fortune cookies! Who's writing the fortune cookies?

[ellakite.livejournal.com]

<RAISES_HAND/>

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

Well my fortune didn't come true! What do you have to say for yourself??

[ellakite.livejournal.com]

Oh! Then you didn't get one of *MY* "fortunes". They *ALWAYS* tell the truth.

Of course, my fortunes say things like:

You're a cheap bastard and won't leave a tip.

But that's not you, so we're good!

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

Nope, mine says, "There is no doom." Clearly not true.

Lol, I do always leave a tip, too. Once you've been a waitress it's hard not to.

[n3m3sis42.livejournal.com]

I started participating in LJI for a similar-ish reason. I was in the height (depths?) of the horribleness that I wrote about in my LJI post from this week, and I was also in the midst of my-entire-world-and-identity-is-this-baby and I just needed to grasp onto SOMETHING that was just for me.

I've never really considered myself a writer, but I have grown in ways I didn't know were possible for me this season. And I have come to the conclusion that even if I'm not the best or the most popular, I must have something to have made it this long. :D

[ellakite.livejournal.com]

As I indicated, I lasted this long last year, and I *STILL* dismissed it as "beginner's luck".

There's a difference between "not seeing" one's own talent and "deliberately ignoring" one's own talent...

[jacq22.livejournal.com]

I love words. Just love words. Recording life is what I do, I am not a writer. But I need to record feelings, and love to take others along with me. Real life is amazing.

I have a funny streak, so now and then record the idiocy of what I see, I like to laugh, and have others laugh with me.

Empathy for people, and especially for animals is part of me, I have worked in jobs where caring is paramount,so that theme is often re visited.

Dialogue I find harder. Descriptive prose is easy, as I paint, its very much like painting.

LJ has encourged me to produce more. Thank you for taking me this far...

[kathrynrose.livejournal.com]

i could have written this whole comment. Why have I not friended you already? Am fixing that.

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

I also could have written this whole comment pretty much. Your comments are always nice to read around here!

Okay, except that I'm better at dialogue than descriptive prose. I am learning to get better at that though...

[tigrkittn.livejournal.com]

I have no idea what I bring to the table. Lots of people can and do write creepy twisty fiction, and do it infinitely better than I do. I only started doing that because I ran out of personal stories to tell! I do write "for fun", because it is. What's "in my wheelhouse"? No freaking clue.

[jacq22.livejournal.com]

Join the clan!

Realised I am starving.
Better get lunch...1.32 Friday here.

[alien-infinity.livejournal.com]

I'm going to revisit an old bandwagon and ask a semi-random question, if you don't mind: what kind of story would you Idolers like to see from me? I asked this earlier, but I've now stretched myself into other genres besides my usual "real world" fiction and wonder what people like/would like to see now.

Thank you!

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

I like seeing you stretch yourself and try something new. :)

[alien-infinity.livejournal.com]

Hmm...I might have an idea that qualifies as "trying something new." I consider anything that's not strictly "real world" fiction to be stretching myself at this point, as the vast majority of what I've written has taken place in the "real world."

We shall see what I come up with!

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

Good luck! :)

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

Absolutely nothing.

I'm recycling. For that matter, I am recycled -- every atom, every element, every scrap of every bone and tissue and muscle in my body came from somewhere or someone else. So it's only logical that so does my writing -- from the people who influenced me, from the people who influenced them, from the people who write dictionaries and schoolbooks and fiction and non-fiction and beauty and hate -- the people who give me their stories distilled into words, the essence packed into these fragile symbols on the page. And I take the words, breathe them in, never quite the same as they were written, every letter distilled through the words that have come before -- and that is me, the story comprised of what I see and read and hear and do and say and of the myriad ways that my story runs into someone else's story, the ways that neither of us are quite the same.

And sometimes, it's their story I choose to tell, and sometimes, it's a story made from all the recycled gleanings of the things I've interacted with, things that I assign words to whether the words fit them or not. And sometimes, when my own recycled existence becomes overwhelming, when it screams loud enough to drown the cacophony of words that fall through my consciousness like tender rain on freshly-turned earth, I tell my story.

I pour a slurry of words, shaken in the blender of my consciousness, and they coalesce into meaning, into airy castles or thundering dungeons, into houses and homes and restaurants and deserts and gas stations and once, improbably (because who does this in non-fiction?), into fairyland (okay, I do this, but still). And people respond. I've been there, they say. Or, I haven't, but I understand.

And the words filter through the ones that have gone before, and feed my story: you are not alone. We are here with you.

And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing. :D

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

tl; dr - Writing is its own reason to write. :)

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

Awwww. Yes. This. <3

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

<3

Although there was a discussion in the comments on Dslartoo's post, and I think I may have said something different there. But in terms of why I write, that sums it up pretty well.

[jacq22.livejournal.com]

Love it.

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[rattsu.livejournal.com]

I am all for recycling! It is a beautiful thing!

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

It is! And I think the reason that things re-occur so much is that writing is necessarily a means of communication. So even though we all see the words a little bit differently, we can still use them to reach out to other people. :)

[cosmolinguist]

Yes!

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

:D

[karmasoup.livejournal.com]

This post is a beautiful thing.

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[knomers.livejournal.com]

I am not sure if it is because I am not a writer or maybe it was the way I was raised...but if you love something you do it.

I bowl...it's a dirty little secret that I don't tell a lot of people. I LOVE it...always have since I was a kid. I grew up around the corner from a bowling alley and often on a random afternoon I sneak off just to here that black glossy mass rumble it's way into a massive pin explosion. Only.....BLAM thud thud thud the bowl goes at it barrels down the gutter.

Yup I am 35 years old almost 36...I have been bowling since I was three....and I granny toss, cross my fingers and gutter that sucker 9 times out of 10.

I go back at least a couple of times a month....I LOVE IT. Every squishing my toes into other peoples sasquatch laced bowling shoe, to wrenching my back that it takes two days to stand straight, and with every old man that smells like a shitter with no teeth pass made at me. Because I LOVE IT. I know nuts right.

I love the smell of the place when you first walk in, smoke, foot funk, beer..you know good ole' fashion pool hall. The way your feet glide across the wooden floor when you toss a ball. The craptastic artery clogging cheese fries and coke. The way that Frannie the waitress at the bar always knows my favorite drink and has the fries out with extra cheese for me in five minutes. The noise of the people talking and arguing. The way that the little kids still have there own section where they give them free snacks and have puppet shows. How if you bring your dog in no one really cares and the owner is the same since the 60's. Most of all I love the way the place makes me feel, Happy...simply happy. So I go bowl when I am stressed out, to celebrate minor and major accomplishments, I take the people I love, I teach my friends kids...it's what I do because I love it.

And I'm a Bowler!

Kinda like why you all write???

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

Pretty much. Writing is my guilty pleasure. :)

[knomers.livejournal.com]

Sorry for all the errors...but alas I don't care about spelling and what not. I figure you all get it.

[kathrynrose.livejournal.com]

I wish I did anything the way you bowl. :)

I'm not that nice to myself when I write.

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

I'm not nice to myself at all when I write either. I'm downright brutal. But that's how I am when I'm passionate about something and want to succeed so badly...

But we probably should be nicer to ourselves, huh? That's what my therapist and boyfriend tells me...

[kathrynrose.livejournal.com]

Yeah, people keep telling me that too.

[karmasoup.livejournal.com]

You just made this bowling alley of yours seem incredibly cool... you totally made me want to go there. That's writing. So, looks like you're a writer, too.

[xo-kizzy-xo.livejournal.com]

I write because I have to. For me, it's as fundamental as breathing in that it's automatically the first thing I do when I want to remember something, share something, tell a story -- anything, really.

Does that make me a writer? I've never been one for labels.

There's one incident that sticks in my mind, though. Over on Facebook my college roommate is the unofficial ringleader for our class. She's in touch with everybody. Whenever somebody finds her, they ask her "Oh, what's so-and-so up to?" She was telling me about some of these classmates -- people we had both been in various campus groups with, people with whom we lived on the same dorm floor -- and whenever my name came up, they all remembered me solely as a "writer".

I was like, "Wait...they did? We were all in chorus together! We all did X and Y together! And they only remember me for my writing?"

"They do," she said.

I'm still blown away by that.

[sweeny-todd.livejournal.com]

that is a beautiful thing to have reflected at you :-)

[xo-kizzy-xo.livejournal.com]

When I told SO this story he just looked at me and said, "Yeah...so?"

:boggle:

Obviously my perception of myself is vastly different. That's one of the reasons why I don't like to label myself. OK, so I write. But I do a lot of other things too :shrug:

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

Well, if I ever had to remember you to someone, I'd remember you as that lovely baking writer lady. :)

*hugs*

[xo-kizzy-xo.livejournal.com]

LOLOL!!!

:hugs:

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* You're one of the reasons I love sticking around here, lady. :)

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

I love the affirmation that we who remain here have talent.

I've told a couple of my Idol buds this: being in Idol this year has helped me rediscover my love for writing (something I'd lost in the worst way while I was becoming jaded by academic pursuits late last decade). More amazingly, though, I've rediscovered that writing is that thing that I do really well.

That discovery knocked the wind out of me (about four or five weeks ago, if you want to put a timeframe around it). I don't have to fight to use THIS gift--I don't have to struggle to become something other than myself in order to emulate those I most admire. I can finally look inward for talent and beauty and value.

What a gift this discovery has been.

Another thing I've learned is that I'm not the best writer here. And I don't need to be. What I need to be is michikatinski, writer of thought-provoking reflections and moving short stories and warm words. *shrugs* It's enough that I bring my own voice because that's the thing *only I* can claim. And mine is a voice worth hearing. What an awesome revelation!

I heart you guys. You inspire me to stretch myself, to work harder, to write my very best work. Thanks for the challenge and the constant encouragement. <3

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad that Idol has made you realize these things about yourself <3

I've actually realized that heck, maybe I do have some talent to work with. It's even inspiring me to consider taking classes to not only become a better writer, but maybe do freelance editing on the side. And maybe even go bigger. I loved writing in high school, but I lost it through college abd whatnot... I'm do glad I've rediscovered it too.

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

YAAAAAAY! You so have talent, lady! You're one of my very favorites. :) (Wait, did I say that already?)

I think the idea of taking writing classes and maybe doing freelance editing sounds perfect. :)

[sweeny-todd.livejournal.com]

;_; poor untalented those who have left....




(I kid, I kid :-p)

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

Except that you are marvelously talented, and so are piles of people who've left the game already for whatever reason. It's why I'm still so surprised (like so many other peeps!) to be here and feel so honored to get to continue playing the main game.

You are missed, for the record. <3 <3 <3

[sweeny-todd.livejournal.com]

<3 thankyou!!

I think you are marvellously talented also. Keep enjoying the game, so say I :-D

[porn-this-way.livejournal.com]

This post strikes me as having a requirement for emotional honesty, and I therefore glare at it.

j\k. Kind of.

Throw me in the "WTF I can't believe I'm still here" camp for sure. As for what I bring to stories - I like to make people laugh. Sad but true. A lot of weeks I feel like I totally suck, and there's no way I can even begin to hold a candle to the competition. Other weeks, I like what I write, but I'm still in awe of some of the talent around here. I'm definitely not sure I have any business whatsoever waltzing my dumb newbie ass this close to the top 50...but all things considered, that's not my decision to make. I'm just along for the crazy ride, holding on for dear life, and having an absolute blast in the process.

And...oy, I meant to go to bed about an hour ago! Apologies if this made freck-all sense. Time for me to go take a swan dive into dreamland, Kirby style :P

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

I could have written so much of this myself :)

I like to make people laugh too, hence my focus on funny stories this season. I like to tell stories and I like to connect with people. If I can make them laugh or enjoy themselves? Even better! I'm always in awe of my fellow competitors. I know I'm not the strongest writer here, but competing amongst them means I'm getting better every day as I learn and perfect my writing to try and keep up. I love the challenge Idol gives me.

And I've enjoyed your writing a lot this season, it's one reason I pushed Java to work with you :)

[alien-infinity.livejournal.com]

I keep meaning to go to bed and somehow failing to do so because I am a real genius like that.

Like I said before, I'm another member of the "Bzuh Club" who can't believe she's still here. I keep thinking, "hey, who do I think I am, knocking on the door of the Top 50?" Like you said, it's not my decision whether or not I get that far. Unless I freak out and drop out, which I WON'T do. No matter HOW much I think I suck.

[michikatinski.livejournal.com]

What Pixie said. :-D

[pixiebelle.livejournal.com]

Okay, my brain is fuzzy and this idea stumps me. I'm open to suggestions or brainstorming...

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

Me too!

The only thing I can think of is choosing to write something I'm really good at, and... uh, yeah. Not much of a connection to the prompt. Plus I've done that a time or two... or many... but you get the idea.

I know nothing about baseball. Boats? I had to ask someone what a wheelhouse actually is, because I only recognized the figurative meaning of the topic.

[alien-infinity.livejournal.com]

I knew nothing about either the figurative OR literal meanings of the phrase. I had to look this one up; "the weak force" was easier to grasp and use, despite the physics!

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

I think it was easier for me, too; I ended up Googling this one as well, because although I could use it in a sentence I couldn't explain it -- it's not actually something I say, just something I've heard others use.

I have a draft, but am not entirely sure I like the way I connected to the topic. Hmmm.

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

Funny how many of us have the same thoughts about not necessarily knowing our own strengths.

It's one of the nice things about a writing community, I think-- that other people's feedback helps point those strengths out to you, especially the input of other writers rather than a passing, "LOL!" or "Loved it!" comment.

I joined LJ Idol hoping to write more, and to write more original fiction. I've found myself writing nonfiction when the prompt struck me that way, or a different genre than I might have wished. So, maybe I bring adaptability and dogged persistence. And occasional LULZ.

My writing wheelhouse until Idol was fanfiction, but I've resisted going there and vow that this will not be the round where that happens, if ever!

Though watching "Awake" and listening to people say, "Who lives in Oregon?" (and pronouncing it ARR-i-gone) is starting to get my back up toward corrective fanfic.

Must.Not.Give.In...

[kickthehobbit.livejournal.com]

I do not consider myself a writer. I do believe that I belong in this competition—I mean, hey, I made it past the gatekeeper round, yay!—but writing is not the primary thing I do and I've never identified myself as a writer.

...then again, my degree is in chemistry, I'm currently teaching chemistry and working toward a PhD, and I still don't identify as a chemist or a scientist, so go figure.

I am a Jenn, or I would be, if I didn't dislike my given name quite so much.

...I think what I'm trying to say is, I hate labels.

[sweeny-todd.livejournal.com]

yeah, but in doing a phd you have to write.

[kickthehobbit.livejournal.com]

...well, yes, but that's true of just about every degree, regardless of level.

Honestly, written communication is still a huge thing—you have to be able to write to communicate. Doesn't mean that everyone who does so is a writer, though. :P

[n3m3sis42.livejournal.com]

Making it through the Gatekeepers was a huge thing for me too. I don't consider myself a writer, but making it this far does make me feel that I have something.

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

Your writing is outstanding!

It's varied, you have an excellent skill with languages, emotions, and story-telling.

So, even though it isn't your past or what you were trained for, never assume that it isn't also one of your talents. :)

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[n3m3sis42.livejournal.com]

If I had to guess, I'd say one of my strengths is that I'm willing to try different things. Other than that, I'm not sure. I don't think I have the polish or lyrical quality I see in some people's writing. But I'm learning and improving. :)

[rattsu.livejournal.com]

I would add two things: Heart and Fun, I always look forward to reading your entries, they always keeps me entertained and reading to the end without skimming. And that is a gift.

[n3m3sis42.livejournal.com]

Thank you for telling me this! :D

My entries tend to be long so I'm always worried about people getting bored in the middle.

[mstrobel.livejournal.com]

I agree with what rattsu said, your entries have so much heart! And that makes them really engaging. Why do you think I tried to tackle you into being my partner the other week?! XD