LJ Idol Presents:

Everyone has those self doubts, and a desire to be liked and appreciated.

This. Which is the attitude I tried to being into the season to treat everyone with respect down to the very end. Regardless of rather you don't like their writing or think they deserve to be here, each and everyone of us is still a person behind the screen. And most people (Gary is the exception of course) has feelings. They have insecurities. Most people want to be liked. It's human nature. Even people who swear they don't care what people think of them can be hurt. And when it feels like you've been targeted, that people are bad mouthing you behind your back, etc... It's gonna hurt. Sadly it does usually get nastier around this time because as I told someone in a comment to a post of mine recently, like in The Hunger Games, there can only be one.

But do I want to be that one person badly enough to hurt people on personal levels? No. Do I want to win it unfairly and through ugly ways? No. Do I want to get farther than the collective audience thinks I deserve? No. Personally, I'd rather people think I'm deserving and not win rather than win and not deserve it. To me, it's more about how people see me than anything. I have hardly had to promote myself (only last week really) to get to this point, I know it's getting uglier and uglier, and to keep up with others doing it, I'll do it too. It's part of the game sadly.

But what I'm trying to say is this... I won't make it ugly and nasty if I can help it. To me, what's the fun in winning if I had to hurt people and play dirty to get it? That's just not me. Yes, I'd love to win it just as badly as anyone else. It would mean the world to me. But it would hurt me more to win it and not deserve it than not winning it at all. That's just who I am.

It's a game, yes, but I take the way I play games seriously. I play with integrity. If I have a friend who's cheating or playing unfairly? Yes, it's going to impact how I look at them since it shows their character. I don't care if it's Scrabble or Hanging With Friends or Idol. I value integrity in the people I call friends.

So far, it's been a pretty friendly season with a few bumps in the road. I hope the next couple weeks can stay positive instead of getting ugly.

My weekend was wonderful :)

I am mostly finished with my Idol entry and I actually like it very much, so that's good. Java and I had lots of snuggle and sappy time, we relaxed and ate junk food. I feel really good today, though I'd feel even better if it was still the weekend.