The first time you think you see a refreshing pond of water in an oasis, while lost in the desert, you are tempted to run to it, fall to your knees and scoop big refreshing handfuls of water into your mouth. When you get a mouthful of sand, you realize you've made a grave error.

The second time this happens, you might be forgiven for doing the same thing again. You let your burning thirst get the best of you, sure. Maybe you should consider the fact that hot sand doesn't feel a thing like water - even hot water. Yes, the strange optics in the desert made it appear like there was something there, but your optic nerves don't extend to your fingers.

So, I could ignore one or two mouthfuls of sand, but Lou, this is the ninth time you've filled your mouth with sand, and its starting to worry me. I worry that you're developing a taste for sand at this point. What's more, your mad dash across the desert each time you see one of these things is making you sweat buckets - surely not a good idea for a guy who is overweight and severely dehydrated.

And, no, you can't ride on the camel. If you'd wanted a camel, you should have rented your own.